Kate McCann's Diary
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Kate McCann's Diary
by Jill Havern 26.09.11 10:04
14 SEPTEMBER 2008 | POSTED BY [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]Please God. Is she dead in[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
Read Kate McCann's diary
For the first time, the heartbreaking truth that destroys the lies of the Portuguese police
EXCLUSIVE
By Daniel Sanderson, 13/09/2008
TODAY we reveal the secret diary of agonised mum Kate McCann—penned over months as she and husband Gerry struggled to deal with their daughter Madeleine’s abduction.
Her words destroy the litany of lies told by Portuguese cops to paint them as cold and calculating. Kate wrote: "I can't bear being without Madeleine. It's like torture— a slow painful death."
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]* FOR months the Portuguese police leaked carefully selected extracts from Kate McCann's secret diary, chosen to deliberately paint her and husband Gerry as the ice couple—cold, dispassionate and emotionless in the face of three-year-old Madeleine’s abduction.
* Now, for the first time, the News of the World can fill in the blanks and nail those lies. The 135-page journal covering April 28, 2007 to Tuesday, July 31, was passed to us by a reporter in Portugal appalled by the sickening smear campaign against the McCanns.
* Kate's log of the dark days after Madeleine vanished from their holiday flat reveals the true picture of the tortured woman behind the calm, brave face she had to portray in public, as initial disbelief and numbness gave way to desperation and rage. Often she includes touching messages of love to her missing daughter. It confirms the strength Kate drew from her devout Catholic faith—and frankly admits the doubts the trauma forced her to face.
THE entry for the fateful day Madeleine McCann vanished—May 3, 2007—makes chilling reading in her mother's diary, because it started out so NORMAL.
Mum-of-three Kate, 40, records that it began much like any other since the family arrived at the Mark Warner Ocean Club in Praia da Luz on Portugal's Algarve coast—one long, happy round of swimming, tennis, kids' club, games and fun.
But knowing what is about to befall them turns Kate's simple account of the children's evening bedtime routine into a tense drama...
Brush teeth. To the bedroom with the kids. M pulls away and puts her head on pillow. Kisses goodnight for M. Pulled the door to as far as possible without shutting it. Silence.
Dry hair. Put make-up on. Glass of wine. Restaurant.
FRIDAY, MAY 4: No sleep, Gerry and I started looking through the streets around 06.00 as it was starting to get light. Nobody around. Why not? Desperate.
Minutes seem like hours. Outside of the apartments masses of people asking questions about that night and for descriptions of Madeleine. Long day.
(Then Kate, Gerrry and their seven friends were taken to the Policia Judiciaria, or PJ, headquarters in nearby Portimao to give statements.)
I believe my statement would have been around 15.00 and such. They allowed G (Gerry) to come in with me but seated behind me. Translator present.
The police officer who took us by car to the station was the one asking the questions and afterwards typed the answers on a typewriter. Morose.
We left the police station around 7.30pm to 8pm. After 15 minutes we received a call from the PJ saying we had to go back but they didn't tell us why. We turned around and flew back at around 200 kilometres an hour. Once again frightening. Did they find her? Please God. Is she dead? Prayers. We arrived—they showed us a photo of a girl they'd forgotten to show us from the close circuit TV footage. Not M. Devastating.
MONDAY, MAY 14: I slept well last night after a not very good end of the day, frustration with the FLO (Portuguese police family liaison officer) asking me where would my little M be.
I got up at 06.50. I dealt with some trifles and got myself ready for the statement to the press at 08.00.
I tried to put on a slightly more presentable and "healthy" air. Gerry again gave a great performance.
Following on we answered about four questions. I almost responded to the first one asking how we were, but I didn't. I did answer a question on our possible return home. I replied that obviously I didn't even think about that. Anyway, it seemed to have gone well. After breakfast and our having left S and A, (twins Sean and Amelie, then aged two) we went to church to pray in silence. Very good, calming.
After getting back I decided to go running—for the first time since THE day (already 11 days ago). I knew that it was going to be physically difficult, but I also knew that I wasn't going to give up, because it was for Madeleine and also because the level of pain is far higher now.
No cameras or journalists, which was great. I went running towards the beach and then along it and again climbed that hill so steep —without stopping! (I carried a photo of M in my hand to keep me going.) On the last hill past the tennis courts my legs completely weak, but I managed to keep myself walking. I managed to reach the apartment then time to stop—to think—I felt really quite calm.
WEDNESDAY, MAY 23: Gordon Brown (then Chancellor and PM in waiting) called and spoke with Gerry -very kind and giving encouragement.
Feeling a bit emotional afterwards.
SATURDAY, MAY 26: We went to an amusement park with the kids. Some phone calls, emails etc. Not a very good day for either the two of us—some dark thoughts/ frustrations/ desperation creeping in. Some tears.
(Then in a moving little message to Madeleine) I love you so much XXX
SUNDAY, MAY 27: Clarence (Clarence Mitchell, Foreign Office family liaison at the time) spoke to us about a possible trip to the Vatican. It seems that it really is going to happen—main story on the news!
Spoke to Dad. I went for a walk to the beach with Sean and Amelie. Frozen. Beach—slippery, wet feet.
We all had dinner when we got back to the apartment.
We have to keep looking. We have to find you beloved xxxxx.
(Kate signed off the day's entry by drawing a heart with "I LOVE MADELEINE" inside.)
WEDNESDAY, MAY 30: (After trip to see Pope detailed above) The kids went to bed again around 9pm!!! Low point of tonight—becoming desperate/without hope because of the lack of information. They are acting like they have no leads at all. Very worried.
Tomorrow it will be 4 weeks since Madeleine was taken. Four weeks since we saw our special little girl. We are not certain that we will ever see her again, but know that we have to keep up our hope and strength—for the others, at least. Exhausted.
I love you so much, Madeleine. You must come back! X
FRIDAY, JUNE 1: Quite fed up...I can't stop thinking about Madeleine, about her fear of pain. How can I go on knowing that her life could have ended like this?
This week I have been quite overtaken by black thoughts. Please, God, bring her back.
Bedtime is becoming more and more of a challenge.
SATURDAY, JUNE 2: I can't remember today (which is now yesterday!). The morning was spent doing paperwork. I wrote a letter to JK Rowling, asking for her help in keeping M in the public eye. She has a new Harry Potter book which will come out in July. I asked if it would be possible to do something like a bookmark with M on.
An enjoyable afternoon—I never felt so relaxed. I felt it was wrong. S and A had fun and that was important. I also worried about what people might think, like "How can they manage to...?"
It seems that Sean is liking the beach more these days. We had tea in a nearby restaurant—good, despite still thinking that I had to do normal things without feeling guilty. We left around 7.30pm and the kids were completely exhausted.
Fed up again —poor M. Once again it took a long time before S and A were sorted. Finally went to church for 10 minutes.
Private worship (despairing!).
Cried again in bed—I can't avoid it. I need her close to me. Thinking about her fear of pain breaks my heart. Thinking about paedophiles makes me want to tear at my own skin. Of course these people, like psychopaths, aren't "normal" human beings. I was never in favour of the death penalty, but these people should be kept in a secure place. I wouldn't even complain if it was in nice surroundings, but, certainly in the case of paedophiles always distanced from any type of contact with children.
Whose human rights are more important? Those of a paedophile or of a vulnerable, defenceless child?
TUESDAY, JUNE 5: Woke up relatively late again, around 7.30am, with a good morning wake-up call from S and A. Adorable!! I just wish it had been all three of them that came into the room. After a shower and breakfast, I took S and A to the Kids' Club. I asked if they could make birthday cards for their Grandma and Gerry—today is his birthday but I had forgotten which is not surprising!
THURSDAY, JUNE 7: The Press conference went well. People are always asking how we are managing to cope, how we can manage to run a campaign, as if we are strange because we are able to appear calm and controlled and aren't going under all the time. They know so little. Nobody should judge or criticise because, unless they have already been in this situation, they have NO IDEA how they would be and certainly NO IDEA how painful it is. NO IDEA AT ALL. I love you so much Madeleine xxxx
I can't bear this. I can't bear being without Madeleine. It's like torture—a slow, painful death. I hope her suffering, if she is suffering, is much less. Please God.
SUNDAY, JUNE 17: Cherie Blair (then the Premier's wife) phoned to find out how we were.
We talked about everything in general, including about them leaving Number 10. She agreed as well to make a 20-second video clip for our broadcast on YouTube about Madeleine and children who have disappeared.
I also had the chance to speak to Tony (then Prime Minister) who told me that we weren't to hesitate to ask him if there was something he could do to help.
On Sky News tonight they suddenly said the Portuguese police had stated that the crime scene had been contaminated—because of us—and that fundamental evidence had been lost. How dare they insinuate that our daughter's life could be put in danger because of us. Very angry. Very upset.
I want to speak to someone now, but it's too late.
I changed my mind and I sent a text message to Ricardo (Portuguese police family liaison officer). I don't know if was a sensible idea but I feel really annoyed.
My darling little Madeleine, you know that we wouldn't do anything to put you in danger.
I love you very much and I am in agony right now.
I only have to hope that God helps us all now and that he brings you back to us, safe and sound, very soon.
I need you to come back Madeleine. You are the best thing in my life that has ever happened to me. XXXXX
I ended up feeling very upset. Everything overflowed. Terrified that we might not get Madeleine back. I simply cannot face that. Tears, despair, rage, helplessness. I spoke to Gerry, recited prayers. Please God, bring her back XX
I fell asleep after 1am.
MONDAY, JUNE 18: I spent a few lovely hours with Sean and Amelie building a sandcastle with a moat, getting big hugs from Sean, ice creams.
Shower, lovely meal and a little playtime with the kids.
(But as night closes in Kate's anguish returns.)
I can't stand living like this. It's so painful and distressing. Dear Lord, PLEASE answer our prayers. PLEASE send Madeleine back to us. PLEASE.
I love you so, so much Madeleine, more than anything XXXXX.
TUESDAY, JUNE 19: Last night I didn't manage to get to sleep until around 1am because I was so upset again. It's so painful to be without Madeleine and I can't stand to think that it could be like this forever. This simply cannot happen.
Good night, good night Madeleine, I'm longing to read you a bedtime story again. I love you my little darling X.
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 20: There is still no sign of Madeleine. I didn't feel like it so I decided not to go running.
Went to pick up Gerry from the airport. It was so good to see him. Just before we reached the apartment we saw a man lying in the middle of the street, so we stopped the car and got out. It was no surprise to see that he was drunk (we've all been there!) but he recognised Gerry and me immediately. Gerry walked him round to his apartment.
THURSDAY, JUNE 21: I went to the church around 9.20pm to pray a bit by myself, in peace. I got a bit annoyed, I don't understand why God doesn't answer my prayers. I think I need a sign of some sort. I miss her so much. It is so painful and I don't feel my life is complete and I won't ever feel it is complete, if she doesn't come home. Gerry came down later on to be with me.
Apart from a glass of wine, chocolate and this diary, there's nothing much else to tell.
I LOVE YOU MADELEINE. GOOD NIGHT GOOD NIGHT X X X.
FRIDAY, JUNE 22: I miss Madeleine loads and that's a real understatement. Sometimes I think I must have done something so bad. (Then Kate recalls the IVF treatment she needed to get pregnant) It was so difficult and painful 'trying' to have Madeleine and now this!!!
Why??? Bad luck??? A sick joke??? And then I think I don't want to think about me—I'm an adult, but Madeleine, dear, sweet, vulnerable, beautiful Madeleine... and I just feel like screaming. WHY?
Dear Lord, I continue to ask, continue to hope, continue to try to have faith in You. Please help us. Put an end to this nightmare. Please help Madeleine. PLEASE LORD.
Unbearable.
Madeleine, I love you with all my heart. You are part of my being and I will never feel whole without you. I hope and pray for the day, hopefully soon, when we will be reunited and together again FOREVER. I miss you so much. I need you. I love you. XXXXXXXXXXX
SATURDAY, JUNE 23: I woke up after 7am hesitating (again!) about going running but eventually I built up enough enthusiasm to convince Gerry that we should go. He ran quite well and without a doubt it was worth us going.
Will we see her again one day? How can this end well now? She’s so precious. God I need you to do something soon. I’m so desperate and suffering so much.
This evening I felt quite low again. It's the awful uncertainty, helplessness and worry. It’s really unbearable. I only want to be able to hide or hibernate until this is all over and Madeleine is back. Please make sure she’s OK.
The usual—dinner, a few drinks and emails. Good night. Good night my darling, longing to lie down.
SUNDAY, JUNE 24: Oh, Madeleine, I find the nights so difficult and only God knows how things are going to find you. I just want to say, once again, that you have been the most special and amazing thing that ever happened to me.
I've never felt such love for another person. I hope and I trust that God and Mary are protecting you and I only know that Dad and I and all your wonderful family and friends will continue to search for you, and we all long for the day when you will be back with us again— FOREVER! XX
Good night. Good night darling. I love you XXXXXXXX
TUESDAY, JUNE 26: I went for a short walk to the shops nearby. I had heard that there was a paedophile there. Nice, isn't it?
If people informed us about these criminals of course we’d be more cautious and we'd feel safer!
Unfortunately I read two books of messages that had been delivered... There were three horrible ones. One from a former Met Police officer—very insensitive/ cruel and far from constructive! Another said "R.I.P. Maddie"—how appalling!
Well, not surprisingly I was very upset and I went out to the rocks on the beach. I cried a lot and spoke to Madeleine and to God. I was still not ready to go but Gerry was calling me. The police had arrived, as planned, at the apartment. I calmed down and went to the meeting with the police. Everything seems to be so slow. We finished at around 7pm so I went to be with the kids and tell them bedtime stories. I had dinner, had a few drinks despite having said I wanted it without alcohol!! We talked some more.
My darling Madeleine, I feel such fear and dread when I think of you. Every day and every night, it is TOO MUCH. I can only have hope and trust in God and Mary to look after you and bring you back to us soon.
I’m so sorry if I/we let you down. I hope you know how fond of you we are and that we would NEVER do anything intentionally that would put you in danger—of any kind. You are so precious to me. You make me so happy and I miss you so much. Please God, please Mary, keep watch over our sweet Madeleine. Keep her safe and sound and bring her back to us soon! X X
MONDAY, JULY 2: (The day the McCanns had to move from the Ocean Club apartment to a rented house.)
I started to put everything in the suitcases and then I took S and A to the Kids' Club around 09.20 and then I came back to pack the cases. We moved everything to the house around 10:30. Although now I think that it is a good thing to move to the house—with a bit more privacy—everything feels wrong and painful without Madeleine. I cannot believe that this has happened. She is so loving and I desperately want her back. Sean and Amelie appeared very excited about the "new house" especially with regard to their room. After lunch on the terrace, Gerry filled the Jacuzzi with cold water and the children enjoyed themselves immensely in their "swimming pool". I went to look for Chinese food for 4.
Oh dear Madeleine, where are you? Are you nearby? Please keep well and be strong, my little one. We are desperate to find you. We love you very much. You are so special. I long to give you the biggest hug in the WORLD!! I miss you so much. I love you so much my dear Madeleine.
THURSDAY, JULY 5: I got up at 7.15. Gerry went for a run.
NOTHING is or will be as good again without Madeleine.
I am thinking about you a lot, dearest Madeleine, and praying a lot so that we find you soon—alive and unharmed.
Stay strong—you know that we all love you very very very much XXXXX.
FRIDAY, JULY 6: (The day a man was arrested in Holland for a cruel hoax intended to extort £1.3million from the McCanns in return for details of the kidnappers and Madeleine’s location.) I wrote my emails and finished our statement for when the story broke about the Dutch man’s extortion near lunchtime.
He’s 39, unemployed, says that he was bored and wanted to play with our emotions. Bastard. David Miliband (the new Foreign Secretary) phoned Gerry to offer support.
SATURDAY, JULY 7: We had breakfast and got the children ready as usual. At 10.30 the four of us went to the Algarve Shopping Centre.
The plan was to buy sandals and some other things for the children. However the journey was a disaster. We had to stop three times on the way there, since Sean and Amelie were crying alternately.
I began to feel that it had been a wasted day, even though Sean and Amelie had some good goes in Noddy's car and Popeye's boat. The return journey was slightly more bearable.
I had a "moment" while we were having lunch. I saw a woman who looked pregnant and I began to think about when I was pregnant with Sean and Amelie. And then it hit me. (Kate then remembers a touching scene from the past.) Madeleine was coming to visit us later that evening, the look of wonder on her face, and afterwards she got in beside me in bed. She was and is so adorable—a real jewel, a real gift. And I painfully miss her.
At around 18.00 went to church. It was good... there was nobody else there. Later Gerry turned up and joined me and we went down as far as the rocks on the beach and talked a little about Madeleine. But I began to feel slightly pessimistic and fearful. Please, my God, prove to us that we are not wrong. But I was feeling worse. Please, my God, let this have a happy ending.
I have been thinking a lot about you today, Madeleine. I am so worried and frightened for you. I can only hope that God has you in his hands and brings you back to us soon. Please, my God, help us, help Madeleine.
We love her and we need her so much, and she loves us and needs us. Please, please, please make it so that we have some good news soon. Good night darling. I love you. (I can hardly wait to say "See you tomorrow.") XXXXXXXXXXXXX
THURSDAY, JULY 12: I hate the person who took my Madeleine—the same one who has caused all this trouble, who made us feel worthless and mistrustful and mainly who has frightened my beautiful Madeleine. I will never forgive that person/those people for this. Never.
Today I washed the Cuddle Cat (Madeleine's favourite soft toy and a constant comfort to heartbroken Kate). I was hoping not to have to do it until Madeleine returns, but it was now quite dirty and smelly, unfortunately without the smell of Madeleine on it. XX
TUESDAY, JULY 17: Finding it very difficult to talk to people from home, unless they are directly involved. It is difficult to show an interest in other people's lives and children at the moment. I know it sounds horrible, selfish and egocentric, but at the moment I can only think about Madeleine. I don't want to hear about anyone having babies or getting pregnant (mainly because it was all so very difficult for us). I'm worried about turning into a bitter, angry woman, that would be horrible. Please God bring Madeleine back and let this nightmare end.
Please don't let our lives be destroyed by this. Please don't let them hurt Madeleine.
Earlier today I found Amelie in our room looking at photos of Madeleine and she said: "I miss my sister. Where's my sister?"
I couldn't believe it. I didn't realise Amelie's vocabulary and use of words was so good. I just said: "I miss her too. We'll find her soon." What a little sweetheart!
She then turned her attention to something else.
We took turns jumping into the water with the kids, which was great fun. After a DVD and a story it was the twins' bedtime which didn't take too long tonight. Madeleine, we are all with you darling.
Keep strong, be patient, we'll keep on going till we find you. I love you so much. We hope and pray we'll see you soon.
Goodnight, my darling. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.
WEDNESDAY, JULY 18: It was suggested that Madeleine is dead and buried in an area close to the beach, behind the cliff.
What can I say? I feel my body's on the verge of collapse. How much pain and emotion can one body take? I had a bad afternoon. I was very worried, desperate, extremely on edge. I don't think I can take any more of this, I really can't. How much longer will this suffering go on? I need Madeleine ALIVE.
SATURDAY, JULY 21: I continue to feel very low. I miss Madeleine so much. It's as if a ray of light has disappeared from my life. There's no doubt that Madeleine is that ray and I miss her more than words can say.
We just wrote our blogs/diaries. Once again those dark thoughts returned, linked with feelings of anxiety, fear and worry. How much longer will we have to cope with this pain?
My poor, poor Madeleine. Why, Lord? My heart aches with so much love for you, Madeleine. I just hate being without you.
(Kate then relives the last time they saw Madeleine in the Ocean Club apartment.)
If I could go back in time, I would. I have clear recollections of that night. You were so tired. After your baths, you sat on my knee and put my wedding ring on your finger. We (me, you, Sean and Amelie) read "Mog" in the living area and then "if you're happy and you know it". We all sat down on your bed.
Then you counted the squares on the last page. You were always counting things on pages...always laying your head on your pillow at the same time every night. Madeleine you make me so happy. I just want you home. I love you so much. XXXXXXX
MONDAY, JULY 23: I got up at 7.00 and went running. I was surrounded by a pack of dogs (more or less 12)—it really wasn't a nice experience. I went to the flat, high part of the cliff as I felt really alone and a little frightened. Please God, don't let Madeleine be buried here. Please God, make sure she's alive. Please God, bring her back quickly to us.
I took S and A to the Kids' Club at 9.45 then I went to church to pray a little on my own.
Every single moment of happiness with Sean and Amelie, who are both so delightful, is mixed with deep sadness. All I want is Madeleine to be safe and happy again.
Baths, stories and some bedtime chaos from Sean and Amelie before I finally put them to bed at 21.15.
I spent some time on the internet reading about Sarah Payne (Roy Whiting), Eliz. Smart (Brian Mitchell) and the Peter Voisey case (he abducted a six-year-old girl from the bath in North Tyneside). Really horrible.
Night, night sweetheart. I'm trying to be positive. I need to be because I need to believe that you’re going to come back to me, so I can go back to being truly happy. I love you XXX.
TUESDAY, JULY 24: Sean and Amelie had lots of fun in the Jacuzzi—laughter galore! Carrot sticks and crisps were had by all at teatime.
Oh, darling Madeleine. It pains me to think of you—it causes me such sorrow and I have no idea how you feel. I pray to God that you are well, that you are not hurt. I pray that God keeps you safe and sound and that you're not afraid, nor in pain.
Please God, answer my prayers and please, please, please bring Madeleine back to us very soon, for our own happiness. Please God.
Madeleine, sweetheart, I love you so much. I can’t stop saying it. Night, night darling. We will keep hoping and having faith in God. XXXXXXX.
Restless
WEDNESDAY, JULY 25: I received some bad news last night. A friend has breast cancer and has just received her first dose of chemotherapy following surgery. Horrible. I will include her in my prayers.
At around 15.30 I went for a run. I had begun to feel restless and worried about Madeleine. It was hot and hard work, but I felt better for having gone.
We returned at around 18.15—the children's dinner and baths, our dinner.
(and the children's once again!).
Madeleine, sweetheart, you are the most important thing, the only thing that matters. Words cannot describe how I feel about you nor how restless, tormented, alone, sad and incomplete I feel.
I will continue to hope and pray that you come back to us soon but I don't want to think about how good it would be to feel something like that—not yet, at least.
I love you so, so much darling. I remember sitting watching you through the glass window when you were having your swimming lessons on a Saturday morning. There you were with your yellow swimsuit, ever so pretty and you were smiling and waving at me, and the tears rolled down my face!
I was and am still so proud of you, Madeleine, and my love for you is never-ending. I can’t stop saying how much I love you dearly. I'm going to try and stay strong for you and you have to do the same. You know we love you and we are going to keep going until we find you again.
All my love, Madeleine. Night, night. Sleep well. May God protect you. XXXXX.
SATURDAY, JULY 28: I got up at 7.30 after a late and disturbed night of sleep.
At around 16.20 we had a dip in the Jacuzzi. Sean and Amelie loved it. After tea I went to the small church. I was a little tearful.
It's really hard for me not to worry about the small things. I wonder does anyone brush her teeth? She looks so happy in that photo taken on that last day.
I know I'm repeating myself but I can't stop myself from saying how much I love you, Madeleine. I'll say it as many times as I need to. You're so, so special. XXXXX.
TUESDAY, JULY 31: (The day before police seized the diary) I got up early after another late and very disturbed night.
I dropped by the church. I feel better after these short conversations.
I cooked my first meal (since they took Madeleine!!) for dinner tonight.
Please God—make me right. Please God—protect her. Please God—bring her back to us soon!
Night, night Madeleine, by dearest little angel. My sweetheart, my darling, my love, my companion. I love you more than anything. Lots of hugs my darling. I'm going to dream that I'm lying by your side—moments I'll always cherish and I long to have again.
Sweet dreams my little one. Be strong. Mummy XXXXX.
Pope was so gentle and so sincere
DEVOUT Catholic Kate's nerves were on edge as she and Gerry prepared to meet the Pope at the Vatican on May 30.
On May 28 she wrote: "I felt somewhat concerned. This is going to be a little too much, I only want Madeleine back and to return to our normal life.
Two days later her diary recalls: "Pope Benedict XVI arrived in his "pope mobile" waving to everyone. It immediately became clear that he recognised us. He took hold of our hands and he was so gentle, so sincere.
"I thanked him for having allowed us to be there with him. He said he would pray for us and that he would continue to pray for Madeleine and for her safe return. I gave him the photo of Madeleine—he blessed it (with the thumb)—something that we would be able to keep for ever. A shy man but very friendly.
"Very emotional, very positive, very important—charming.
"Please, God, bring back to us little Madeleine. We love her so much and we miss her so much. Please Lord, help us to be united once again shortly as a family.
"Later on, Clarence (Foreign Office family liaison) told me that, before that (meeting the Pope), a butterfly had flown above and had landed on the bow on my hair.
"Following on, it left, but it came back and landed on my lapel. An omen, we hope."
Read Kate McCann's diary
For the first time, the heartbreaking truth that destroys the lies of the Portuguese police
EXCLUSIVE
By Daniel Sanderson, 13/09/2008
TODAY we reveal the secret diary of agonised mum Kate McCann—penned over months as she and husband Gerry struggled to deal with their daughter Madeleine’s abduction.
Her words destroy the litany of lies told by Portuguese cops to paint them as cold and calculating. Kate wrote: "I can't bear being without Madeleine. It's like torture— a slow painful death."
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]* FOR months the Portuguese police leaked carefully selected extracts from Kate McCann's secret diary, chosen to deliberately paint her and husband Gerry as the ice couple—cold, dispassionate and emotionless in the face of three-year-old Madeleine’s abduction.
* Now, for the first time, the News of the World can fill in the blanks and nail those lies. The 135-page journal covering April 28, 2007 to Tuesday, July 31, was passed to us by a reporter in Portugal appalled by the sickening smear campaign against the McCanns.
* Kate's log of the dark days after Madeleine vanished from their holiday flat reveals the true picture of the tortured woman behind the calm, brave face she had to portray in public, as initial disbelief and numbness gave way to desperation and rage. Often she includes touching messages of love to her missing daughter. It confirms the strength Kate drew from her devout Catholic faith—and frankly admits the doubts the trauma forced her to face.
THE entry for the fateful day Madeleine McCann vanished—May 3, 2007—makes chilling reading in her mother's diary, because it started out so NORMAL.
Mum-of-three Kate, 40, records that it began much like any other since the family arrived at the Mark Warner Ocean Club in Praia da Luz on Portugal's Algarve coast—one long, happy round of swimming, tennis, kids' club, games and fun.
But knowing what is about to befall them turns Kate's simple account of the children's evening bedtime routine into a tense drama...
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THURSDAY, MAY 3: Milk and biscuits for the kids. I left them with this and books and games and went to have a quick shower/wash my hair. M (Madeleine) tired—sitting on my lap—I read the story of Mog (favourite children's book).Brush teeth. To the bedroom with the kids. M pulls away and puts her head on pillow. Kisses goodnight for M. Pulled the door to as far as possible without shutting it. Silence.
Dry hair. Put make-up on. Glass of wine. Restaurant.
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(During dinner nearby with friends —dubbed the Tapas 7—the group took turns to check the children. At 10pm Kate discovers Madeleine gone. The McCanns and helpers frantically scour the area until 4am.)FRIDAY, MAY 4: No sleep, Gerry and I started looking through the streets around 06.00 as it was starting to get light. Nobody around. Why not? Desperate.
Minutes seem like hours. Outside of the apartments masses of people asking questions about that night and for descriptions of Madeleine. Long day.
(Then Kate, Gerrry and their seven friends were taken to the Policia Judiciaria, or PJ, headquarters in nearby Portimao to give statements.)
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Nobody from the police introduced themselves. Nobody offered us a drink or food. All the police dressed informally and smoking. No sympathy was shown and far from inspiring.I believe my statement would have been around 15.00 and such. They allowed G (Gerry) to come in with me but seated behind me. Translator present.
The police officer who took us by car to the station was the one asking the questions and afterwards typed the answers on a typewriter. Morose.
We left the police station around 7.30pm to 8pm. After 15 minutes we received a call from the PJ saying we had to go back but they didn't tell us why. We turned around and flew back at around 200 kilometres an hour. Once again frightening. Did they find her? Please God. Is she dead? Prayers. We arrived—they showed us a photo of a girl they'd forgotten to show us from the close circuit TV footage. Not M. Devastating.
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SATURDAY, MAY 12: (Madeleine's birthday) Madeleine is four years old. Day at resort with holiday group. Special Mass for Madeleine at 18.00 in Praia da Luz.MONDAY, MAY 14: I slept well last night after a not very good end of the day, frustration with the FLO (Portuguese police family liaison officer) asking me where would my little M be.
I got up at 06.50. I dealt with some trifles and got myself ready for the statement to the press at 08.00.
I tried to put on a slightly more presentable and "healthy" air. Gerry again gave a great performance.
Following on we answered about four questions. I almost responded to the first one asking how we were, but I didn't. I did answer a question on our possible return home. I replied that obviously I didn't even think about that. Anyway, it seemed to have gone well. After breakfast and our having left S and A, (twins Sean and Amelie, then aged two) we went to church to pray in silence. Very good, calming.
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After getting back I decided to go running—for the first time since THE day (already 11 days ago). I knew that it was going to be physically difficult, but I also knew that I wasn't going to give up, because it was for Madeleine and also because the level of pain is far higher now.
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No cameras or journalists, which was great. I went running towards the beach and then along it and again climbed that hill so steep —without stopping! (I carried a photo of M in my hand to keep me going.) On the last hill past the tennis courts my legs completely weak, but I managed to keep myself walking. I managed to reach the apartment then time to stop—to think—I felt really quite calm.
WEDNESDAY, MAY 23: Gordon Brown (then Chancellor and PM in waiting) called and spoke with Gerry -very kind and giving encouragement.
Feeling a bit emotional afterwards.
SATURDAY, MAY 26: We went to an amusement park with the kids. Some phone calls, emails etc. Not a very good day for either the two of us—some dark thoughts/ frustrations/ desperation creeping in. Some tears.
(Then in a moving little message to Madeleine) I love you so much XXX
SUNDAY, MAY 27: Clarence (Clarence Mitchell, Foreign Office family liaison at the time) spoke to us about a possible trip to the Vatican. It seems that it really is going to happen—main story on the news!
Spoke to Dad. I went for a walk to the beach with Sean and Amelie. Frozen. Beach—slippery, wet feet.
We all had dinner when we got back to the apartment.
We have to keep looking. We have to find you beloved xxxxx.
(Kate signed off the day's entry by drawing a heart with "I LOVE MADELEINE" inside.)
WEDNESDAY, MAY 30: (After trip to see Pope detailed above) The kids went to bed again around 9pm!!! Low point of tonight—becoming desperate/without hope because of the lack of information. They are acting like they have no leads at all. Very worried.
Tomorrow it will be 4 weeks since Madeleine was taken. Four weeks since we saw our special little girl. We are not certain that we will ever see her again, but know that we have to keep up our hope and strength—for the others, at least. Exhausted.
I love you so much, Madeleine. You must come back! X
FRIDAY, JUNE 1: Quite fed up...I can't stop thinking about Madeleine, about her fear of pain. How can I go on knowing that her life could have ended like this?
This week I have been quite overtaken by black thoughts. Please, God, bring her back.
Bedtime is becoming more and more of a challenge.
SATURDAY, JUNE 2: I can't remember today (which is now yesterday!). The morning was spent doing paperwork. I wrote a letter to JK Rowling, asking for her help in keeping M in the public eye. She has a new Harry Potter book which will come out in July. I asked if it would be possible to do something like a bookmark with M on.
An enjoyable afternoon—I never felt so relaxed. I felt it was wrong. S and A had fun and that was important. I also worried about what people might think, like "How can they manage to...?"
It seems that Sean is liking the beach more these days. We had tea in a nearby restaurant—good, despite still thinking that I had to do normal things without feeling guilty. We left around 7.30pm and the kids were completely exhausted.
Fed up again —poor M. Once again it took a long time before S and A were sorted. Finally went to church for 10 minutes.
Private worship (despairing!).
Cried again in bed—I can't avoid it. I need her close to me. Thinking about her fear of pain breaks my heart. Thinking about paedophiles makes me want to tear at my own skin. Of course these people, like psychopaths, aren't "normal" human beings. I was never in favour of the death penalty, but these people should be kept in a secure place. I wouldn't even complain if it was in nice surroundings, but, certainly in the case of paedophiles always distanced from any type of contact with children.
Whose human rights are more important? Those of a paedophile or of a vulnerable, defenceless child?
TUESDAY, JUNE 5: Woke up relatively late again, around 7.30am, with a good morning wake-up call from S and A. Adorable!! I just wish it had been all three of them that came into the room. After a shower and breakfast, I took S and A to the Kids' Club. I asked if they could make birthday cards for their Grandma and Gerry—today is his birthday but I had forgotten which is not surprising!
THURSDAY, JUNE 7: The Press conference went well. People are always asking how we are managing to cope, how we can manage to run a campaign, as if we are strange because we are able to appear calm and controlled and aren't going under all the time. They know so little. Nobody should judge or criticise because, unless they have already been in this situation, they have NO IDEA how they would be and certainly NO IDEA how painful it is. NO IDEA AT ALL. I love you so much Madeleine xxxx
I can't bear this. I can't bear being without Madeleine. It's like torture—a slow, painful death. I hope her suffering, if she is suffering, is much less. Please God.
SUNDAY, JUNE 17: Cherie Blair (then the Premier's wife) phoned to find out how we were.
We talked about everything in general, including about them leaving Number 10. She agreed as well to make a 20-second video clip for our broadcast on YouTube about Madeleine and children who have disappeared.
I also had the chance to speak to Tony (then Prime Minister) who told me that we weren't to hesitate to ask him if there was something he could do to help.
On Sky News tonight they suddenly said the Portuguese police had stated that the crime scene had been contaminated—because of us—and that fundamental evidence had been lost. How dare they insinuate that our daughter's life could be put in danger because of us. Very angry. Very upset.
I want to speak to someone now, but it's too late.
I changed my mind and I sent a text message to Ricardo (Portuguese police family liaison officer). I don't know if was a sensible idea but I feel really annoyed.
My darling little Madeleine, you know that we wouldn't do anything to put you in danger.
I love you very much and I am in agony right now.
I only have to hope that God helps us all now and that he brings you back to us, safe and sound, very soon.
I need you to come back Madeleine. You are the best thing in my life that has ever happened to me. XXXXX
I ended up feeling very upset. Everything overflowed. Terrified that we might not get Madeleine back. I simply cannot face that. Tears, despair, rage, helplessness. I spoke to Gerry, recited prayers. Please God, bring her back XX
I fell asleep after 1am.
MONDAY, JUNE 18: I spent a few lovely hours with Sean and Amelie building a sandcastle with a moat, getting big hugs from Sean, ice creams.
Shower, lovely meal and a little playtime with the kids.
(But as night closes in Kate's anguish returns.)
I can't stand living like this. It's so painful and distressing. Dear Lord, PLEASE answer our prayers. PLEASE send Madeleine back to us. PLEASE.
I love you so, so much Madeleine, more than anything XXXXX.
TUESDAY, JUNE 19: Last night I didn't manage to get to sleep until around 1am because I was so upset again. It's so painful to be without Madeleine and I can't stand to think that it could be like this forever. This simply cannot happen.
Good night, good night Madeleine, I'm longing to read you a bedtime story again. I love you my little darling X.
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 20: There is still no sign of Madeleine. I didn't feel like it so I decided not to go running.
Went to pick up Gerry from the airport. It was so good to see him. Just before we reached the apartment we saw a man lying in the middle of the street, so we stopped the car and got out. It was no surprise to see that he was drunk (we've all been there!) but he recognised Gerry and me immediately. Gerry walked him round to his apartment.
THURSDAY, JUNE 21: I went to the church around 9.20pm to pray a bit by myself, in peace. I got a bit annoyed, I don't understand why God doesn't answer my prayers. I think I need a sign of some sort. I miss her so much. It is so painful and I don't feel my life is complete and I won't ever feel it is complete, if she doesn't come home. Gerry came down later on to be with me.
Apart from a glass of wine, chocolate and this diary, there's nothing much else to tell.
I LOVE YOU MADELEINE. GOOD NIGHT GOOD NIGHT X X X.
FRIDAY, JUNE 22: I miss Madeleine loads and that's a real understatement. Sometimes I think I must have done something so bad. (Then Kate recalls the IVF treatment she needed to get pregnant) It was so difficult and painful 'trying' to have Madeleine and now this!!!
Why??? Bad luck??? A sick joke??? And then I think I don't want to think about me—I'm an adult, but Madeleine, dear, sweet, vulnerable, beautiful Madeleine... and I just feel like screaming. WHY?
Dear Lord, I continue to ask, continue to hope, continue to try to have faith in You. Please help us. Put an end to this nightmare. Please help Madeleine. PLEASE LORD.
Unbearable.
Madeleine, I love you with all my heart. You are part of my being and I will never feel whole without you. I hope and pray for the day, hopefully soon, when we will be reunited and together again FOREVER. I miss you so much. I need you. I love you. XXXXXXXXXXX
SATURDAY, JUNE 23: I woke up after 7am hesitating (again!) about going running but eventually I built up enough enthusiasm to convince Gerry that we should go. He ran quite well and without a doubt it was worth us going.
Will we see her again one day? How can this end well now? She’s so precious. God I need you to do something soon. I’m so desperate and suffering so much.
This evening I felt quite low again. It's the awful uncertainty, helplessness and worry. It’s really unbearable. I only want to be able to hide or hibernate until this is all over and Madeleine is back. Please make sure she’s OK.
The usual—dinner, a few drinks and emails. Good night. Good night my darling, longing to lie down.
SUNDAY, JUNE 24: Oh, Madeleine, I find the nights so difficult and only God knows how things are going to find you. I just want to say, once again, that you have been the most special and amazing thing that ever happened to me.
I've never felt such love for another person. I hope and I trust that God and Mary are protecting you and I only know that Dad and I and all your wonderful family and friends will continue to search for you, and we all long for the day when you will be back with us again— FOREVER! XX
Good night. Good night darling. I love you XXXXXXXX
TUESDAY, JUNE 26: I went for a short walk to the shops nearby. I had heard that there was a paedophile there. Nice, isn't it?
If people informed us about these criminals of course we’d be more cautious and we'd feel safer!
Unfortunately I read two books of messages that had been delivered... There were three horrible ones. One from a former Met Police officer—very insensitive/ cruel and far from constructive! Another said "R.I.P. Maddie"—how appalling!
Well, not surprisingly I was very upset and I went out to the rocks on the beach. I cried a lot and spoke to Madeleine and to God. I was still not ready to go but Gerry was calling me. The police had arrived, as planned, at the apartment. I calmed down and went to the meeting with the police. Everything seems to be so slow. We finished at around 7pm so I went to be with the kids and tell them bedtime stories. I had dinner, had a few drinks despite having said I wanted it without alcohol!! We talked some more.
My darling Madeleine, I feel such fear and dread when I think of you. Every day and every night, it is TOO MUCH. I can only have hope and trust in God and Mary to look after you and bring you back to us soon.
I’m so sorry if I/we let you down. I hope you know how fond of you we are and that we would NEVER do anything intentionally that would put you in danger—of any kind. You are so precious to me. You make me so happy and I miss you so much. Please God, please Mary, keep watch over our sweet Madeleine. Keep her safe and sound and bring her back to us soon! X X
MONDAY, JULY 2: (The day the McCanns had to move from the Ocean Club apartment to a rented house.)
I started to put everything in the suitcases and then I took S and A to the Kids' Club around 09.20 and then I came back to pack the cases. We moved everything to the house around 10:30. Although now I think that it is a good thing to move to the house—with a bit more privacy—everything feels wrong and painful without Madeleine. I cannot believe that this has happened. She is so loving and I desperately want her back. Sean and Amelie appeared very excited about the "new house" especially with regard to their room. After lunch on the terrace, Gerry filled the Jacuzzi with cold water and the children enjoyed themselves immensely in their "swimming pool". I went to look for Chinese food for 4.
Oh dear Madeleine, where are you? Are you nearby? Please keep well and be strong, my little one. We are desperate to find you. We love you very much. You are so special. I long to give you the biggest hug in the WORLD!! I miss you so much. I love you so much my dear Madeleine.
THURSDAY, JULY 5: I got up at 7.15. Gerry went for a run.
NOTHING is or will be as good again without Madeleine.
I am thinking about you a lot, dearest Madeleine, and praying a lot so that we find you soon—alive and unharmed.
Stay strong—you know that we all love you very very very much XXXXX.
FRIDAY, JULY 6: (The day a man was arrested in Holland for a cruel hoax intended to extort £1.3million from the McCanns in return for details of the kidnappers and Madeleine’s location.) I wrote my emails and finished our statement for when the story broke about the Dutch man’s extortion near lunchtime.
He’s 39, unemployed, says that he was bored and wanted to play with our emotions. Bastard. David Miliband (the new Foreign Secretary) phoned Gerry to offer support.
SATURDAY, JULY 7: We had breakfast and got the children ready as usual. At 10.30 the four of us went to the Algarve Shopping Centre.
The plan was to buy sandals and some other things for the children. However the journey was a disaster. We had to stop three times on the way there, since Sean and Amelie were crying alternately.
I began to feel that it had been a wasted day, even though Sean and Amelie had some good goes in Noddy's car and Popeye's boat. The return journey was slightly more bearable.
I had a "moment" while we were having lunch. I saw a woman who looked pregnant and I began to think about when I was pregnant with Sean and Amelie. And then it hit me. (Kate then remembers a touching scene from the past.) Madeleine was coming to visit us later that evening, the look of wonder on her face, and afterwards she got in beside me in bed. She was and is so adorable—a real jewel, a real gift. And I painfully miss her.
At around 18.00 went to church. It was good... there was nobody else there. Later Gerry turned up and joined me and we went down as far as the rocks on the beach and talked a little about Madeleine. But I began to feel slightly pessimistic and fearful. Please, my God, prove to us that we are not wrong. But I was feeling worse. Please, my God, let this have a happy ending.
I have been thinking a lot about you today, Madeleine. I am so worried and frightened for you. I can only hope that God has you in his hands and brings you back to us soon. Please, my God, help us, help Madeleine.
We love her and we need her so much, and she loves us and needs us. Please, please, please make it so that we have some good news soon. Good night darling. I love you. (I can hardly wait to say "See you tomorrow.") XXXXXXXXXXXXX
THURSDAY, JULY 12: I hate the person who took my Madeleine—the same one who has caused all this trouble, who made us feel worthless and mistrustful and mainly who has frightened my beautiful Madeleine. I will never forgive that person/those people for this. Never.
Today I washed the Cuddle Cat (Madeleine's favourite soft toy and a constant comfort to heartbroken Kate). I was hoping not to have to do it until Madeleine returns, but it was now quite dirty and smelly, unfortunately without the smell of Madeleine on it. XX
TUESDAY, JULY 17: Finding it very difficult to talk to people from home, unless they are directly involved. It is difficult to show an interest in other people's lives and children at the moment. I know it sounds horrible, selfish and egocentric, but at the moment I can only think about Madeleine. I don't want to hear about anyone having babies or getting pregnant (mainly because it was all so very difficult for us). I'm worried about turning into a bitter, angry woman, that would be horrible. Please God bring Madeleine back and let this nightmare end.
Please don't let our lives be destroyed by this. Please don't let them hurt Madeleine.
Earlier today I found Amelie in our room looking at photos of Madeleine and she said: "I miss my sister. Where's my sister?"
I couldn't believe it. I didn't realise Amelie's vocabulary and use of words was so good. I just said: "I miss her too. We'll find her soon." What a little sweetheart!
She then turned her attention to something else.
We took turns jumping into the water with the kids, which was great fun. After a DVD and a story it was the twins' bedtime which didn't take too long tonight. Madeleine, we are all with you darling.
Keep strong, be patient, we'll keep on going till we find you. I love you so much. We hope and pray we'll see you soon.
Goodnight, my darling. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx.
WEDNESDAY, JULY 18: It was suggested that Madeleine is dead and buried in an area close to the beach, behind the cliff.
What can I say? I feel my body's on the verge of collapse. How much pain and emotion can one body take? I had a bad afternoon. I was very worried, desperate, extremely on edge. I don't think I can take any more of this, I really can't. How much longer will this suffering go on? I need Madeleine ALIVE.
SATURDAY, JULY 21: I continue to feel very low. I miss Madeleine so much. It's as if a ray of light has disappeared from my life. There's no doubt that Madeleine is that ray and I miss her more than words can say.
We just wrote our blogs/diaries. Once again those dark thoughts returned, linked with feelings of anxiety, fear and worry. How much longer will we have to cope with this pain?
My poor, poor Madeleine. Why, Lord? My heart aches with so much love for you, Madeleine. I just hate being without you.
(Kate then relives the last time they saw Madeleine in the Ocean Club apartment.)
If I could go back in time, I would. I have clear recollections of that night. You were so tired. After your baths, you sat on my knee and put my wedding ring on your finger. We (me, you, Sean and Amelie) read "Mog" in the living area and then "if you're happy and you know it". We all sat down on your bed.
Then you counted the squares on the last page. You were always counting things on pages...always laying your head on your pillow at the same time every night. Madeleine you make me so happy. I just want you home. I love you so much. XXXXXXX
MONDAY, JULY 23: I got up at 7.00 and went running. I was surrounded by a pack of dogs (more or less 12)—it really wasn't a nice experience. I went to the flat, high part of the cliff as I felt really alone and a little frightened. Please God, don't let Madeleine be buried here. Please God, make sure she's alive. Please God, bring her back quickly to us.
I took S and A to the Kids' Club at 9.45 then I went to church to pray a little on my own.
Every single moment of happiness with Sean and Amelie, who are both so delightful, is mixed with deep sadness. All I want is Madeleine to be safe and happy again.
Baths, stories and some bedtime chaos from Sean and Amelie before I finally put them to bed at 21.15.
I spent some time on the internet reading about Sarah Payne (Roy Whiting), Eliz. Smart (Brian Mitchell) and the Peter Voisey case (he abducted a six-year-old girl from the bath in North Tyneside). Really horrible.
Night, night sweetheart. I'm trying to be positive. I need to be because I need to believe that you’re going to come back to me, so I can go back to being truly happy. I love you XXX.
TUESDAY, JULY 24: Sean and Amelie had lots of fun in the Jacuzzi—laughter galore! Carrot sticks and crisps were had by all at teatime.
Oh, darling Madeleine. It pains me to think of you—it causes me such sorrow and I have no idea how you feel. I pray to God that you are well, that you are not hurt. I pray that God keeps you safe and sound and that you're not afraid, nor in pain.
Please God, answer my prayers and please, please, please bring Madeleine back to us very soon, for our own happiness. Please God.
Madeleine, sweetheart, I love you so much. I can’t stop saying it. Night, night darling. We will keep hoping and having faith in God. XXXXXXX.
Restless
WEDNESDAY, JULY 25: I received some bad news last night. A friend has breast cancer and has just received her first dose of chemotherapy following surgery. Horrible. I will include her in my prayers.
At around 15.30 I went for a run. I had begun to feel restless and worried about Madeleine. It was hot and hard work, but I felt better for having gone.
We returned at around 18.15—the children's dinner and baths, our dinner.
(and the children's once again!).
Madeleine, sweetheart, you are the most important thing, the only thing that matters. Words cannot describe how I feel about you nor how restless, tormented, alone, sad and incomplete I feel.
I will continue to hope and pray that you come back to us soon but I don't want to think about how good it would be to feel something like that—not yet, at least.
I love you so, so much darling. I remember sitting watching you through the glass window when you were having your swimming lessons on a Saturday morning. There you were with your yellow swimsuit, ever so pretty and you were smiling and waving at me, and the tears rolled down my face!
I was and am still so proud of you, Madeleine, and my love for you is never-ending. I can’t stop saying how much I love you dearly. I'm going to try and stay strong for you and you have to do the same. You know we love you and we are going to keep going until we find you again.
All my love, Madeleine. Night, night. Sleep well. May God protect you. XXXXX.
SATURDAY, JULY 28: I got up at 7.30 after a late and disturbed night of sleep.
At around 16.20 we had a dip in the Jacuzzi. Sean and Amelie loved it. After tea I went to the small church. I was a little tearful.
It's really hard for me not to worry about the small things. I wonder does anyone brush her teeth? She looks so happy in that photo taken on that last day.
I know I'm repeating myself but I can't stop myself from saying how much I love you, Madeleine. I'll say it as many times as I need to. You're so, so special. XXXXX.
TUESDAY, JULY 31: (The day before police seized the diary) I got up early after another late and very disturbed night.
I dropped by the church. I feel better after these short conversations.
I cooked my first meal (since they took Madeleine!!) for dinner tonight.
Please God—make me right. Please God—protect her. Please God—bring her back to us soon!
Night, night Madeleine, by dearest little angel. My sweetheart, my darling, my love, my companion. I love you more than anything. Lots of hugs my darling. I'm going to dream that I'm lying by your side—moments I'll always cherish and I long to have again.
Sweet dreams my little one. Be strong. Mummy XXXXX.
Pope was so gentle and so sincere
DEVOUT Catholic Kate's nerves were on edge as she and Gerry prepared to meet the Pope at the Vatican on May 30.
On May 28 she wrote: "I felt somewhat concerned. This is going to be a little too much, I only want Madeleine back and to return to our normal life.
Two days later her diary recalls: "Pope Benedict XVI arrived in his "pope mobile" waving to everyone. It immediately became clear that he recognised us. He took hold of our hands and he was so gentle, so sincere.
"I thanked him for having allowed us to be there with him. He said he would pray for us and that he would continue to pray for Madeleine and for her safe return. I gave him the photo of Madeleine—he blessed it (with the thumb)—something that we would be able to keep for ever. A shy man but very friendly.
"Very emotional, very positive, very important—charming.
"Please, God, bring back to us little Madeleine. We love her so much and we miss her so much. Please Lord, help us to be united once again shortly as a family.
"Later on, Clarence (Foreign Office family liaison) told me that, before that (meeting the Pope), a butterfly had flown above and had landed on the bow on my hair.
"Following on, it left, but it came back and landed on my lapel. An omen, we hope."
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Jill Havern- Chief Faffer, Forum Owner
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Re: Kate McCann's Diary
by Jill Havern 26.09.11 10:26
Policemen consider that Kate McCann’s diary was made on purpose to influence the investigation into Maddie’s disappearance.
Several police sources that are connected to the process told Rádio Clube that Kate’s diary does not look like an intimate portrait, as would be usual, and that it seems to have been made on purpose to be found by the authorities. The diary was not distributed to the journalists but Radio Clube had access to the writings of Kate McCann.
The text starts on the day that the English couple arrived in the Algarve, and lasts until early August. A diary that was given little importance by the Polícia Judiciária. Still, it is possible to read about support, irritations and other curiosities. Listen to the piece from journalist Augusto Freitas de Sousa who describes some statements from Kate’s diary.
The pressures that the former coordinator of the process, Gonçalo Amaral, has been referring to are described in Kate McCann’s diary. Madeleine’s mother wrote that she left British prime minister Gordon Brown a message, to call and to increase the political pressure.
Furthermore, 20 days after the disappearance, it can be read in the diary that Gordon Brown spoke to Gerry more than once. Kate mentions the PJ, the journalists and the political pressures, and numerous clues that failed to reveal as important for the process.
note: the original article on Rádio Clube's website includes an audio report
Several police sources that are connected to the process told Rádio Clube that Kate’s diary does not look like an intimate portrait, as would be usual, and that it seems to have been made on purpose to be found by the authorities. The diary was not distributed to the journalists but Radio Clube had access to the writings of Kate McCann.
The text starts on the day that the English couple arrived in the Algarve, and lasts until early August. A diary that was given little importance by the Polícia Judiciária. Still, it is possible to read about support, irritations and other curiosities. Listen to the piece from journalist Augusto Freitas de Sousa who describes some statements from Kate’s diary.
The pressures that the former coordinator of the process, Gonçalo Amaral, has been referring to are described in Kate McCann’s diary. Madeleine’s mother wrote that she left British prime minister Gordon Brown a message, to call and to increase the political pressure.
Furthermore, 20 days after the disappearance, it can be read in the diary that Gordon Brown spoke to Gerry more than once. Kate mentions the PJ, the journalists and the political pressures, and numerous clues that failed to reveal as important for the process.
note: the original article on Rádio Clube's website includes an audio report
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Jill Havern- Chief Faffer, Forum Owner
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Re: Kate McCann's Diary
by Jill Havern 26.09.11 10:27
Kate McCann was last night said to be devastated by the unauthorised publication of her diary in a downmarket Sunday newspaper.
Her diary was seized and photocopied by Portuguese police three months after daughter Madeleine, then three, vanished.
Extracts appeared in the paper without Kate or hubby Gerry's prior knowledge or permission last weekend. A pal said last night: "Kate is angry and upset.
"She is furious her innermost feelings have been revealed. Worse still, it looks as if she has consented."
Because of its sensitive nature, the material was not included in 19 files made public by prosecutors.
The friend added: "The suspicion is these diaries have been leaked by someone in the Portuguese authorities."
Lawyers for the McCanns are thought to be demanding an apology and payout for the Find Madeleine fund. The McCanns will not comment.
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Her diary was seized and photocopied by Portuguese police three months after daughter Madeleine, then three, vanished.
Extracts appeared in the paper without Kate or hubby Gerry's prior knowledge or permission last weekend. A pal said last night: "Kate is angry and upset.
"She is furious her innermost feelings have been revealed. Worse still, it looks as if she has consented."
Because of its sensitive nature, the material was not included in 19 files made public by prosecutors.
The friend added: "The suspicion is these diaries have been leaked by someone in the Portuguese authorities."
Lawyers for the McCanns are thought to be demanding an apology and payout for the Find Madeleine fund. The McCanns will not comment.
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Re: Kate McCann's Diary
by Jill Havern 26.09.11 10:29
Last week I revealed that the News of the World was in trouble for publishing Kate McCann's diaries without her permission. Yesterday the paper duly apologised for having done so, causing yet more grief to a grief-stricken woman.
But it was a mealy-mouthed apology, carried on page 2 (the original article having been on page 1 and two full inside pages). You can read the "apology" in full here, but note the weasel words:
"We published the extracts in the belief held in good faith that we had Kate's permission to do so. It is now clear that our belief was misplaced, and that in fact Kate neither approved of nor knew that the extracts were to be published."
This is a breathtaking excuse for having screwed up. I understand that the paper had not sought a written agreement, had not spoken to Mrs McCann and had no clear-cut verbal agreement. So let's call "good faith" blind faith. There is no way that the paper would have apologised (and donated money to the Find Madeleine campaign) unless it knew that it had done wrong.
Note also these unctuous sentences:
"Upon learning of our error we immediately removed the extracts from our website and we today offer Kate our immediate and sincere apologies...
"The News of the World remains wholly supportive of the McCanns and their continuing campaign to find their daughter."
It removed the website articles after lawyers intervened. As for being "wholly supportive", it was so supportive it was happy enough to run copyrighted material without permission. It was wholly supportive by intruding further into the privacy of a mother grieving the loss of her vanished four-year-old daughter. It was wholly supportive by feigning sympathy for the McCann family while trying to win sales through a tawdry "exclusive".
But why am I alone in condemning the journalism - the so-called journalism - of the News of the World? The BBC and Sky News did see fit to mention the apology on their bulletins, and carry the story of their websites, here and here. But the paper's scandalous behaviour was ignored by the press. Why should that be?
I think national paper editors tend to believe the News of the World inhabits some kind of parallel universe. It is so far below the salt that it doesn't matter. Better to ignore it altogether.
In fact, as Britain's largest-selling title, it should be monitored carefully and its continual breaches of journalistic ethics - not to mention breaches of the editors' code of practice - should be exposed. They contribute mightily to the widespread public distaste for the press.
And lest we forget, this is not some isolated error. The paper's editor, Colin "Calamity" Myler, was previously fired from an editorship (of the Sunday Mirror) for poor journalistic judgment. He was also responsible for the sleazy journalism that led to a privacy victory by Max Mosley over the News of the World. And this is the man who has broken a pledge made in November last year to change the NoW's agenda.
He told fellow editors at the time that his paper would run fewer sex and drugs celebrity stings. He told them: "I personally believe that stories about celebrities misbehaving - well, that's a surprise, isn't it?" Instead, he promised that the paper would look more often at "other issues... that affect the fabric of society."
This week's "other issues" affecting society's fabric were a collection of soft porn revelations about a footballer's alleged girlfriend being an alleged hooker (plus titillating video), an actress's alleged desire for a lesbian fling (plus slideshow and video) and an "online exclusive" about the alleged "sex secrets" of a Strictly Come Dancing contestant.
Sure, this may be what people want, and the NoW - employing the rationale of a pornographer - is merely satisfying their appetite. But the paper is considered to be part of the British press. If the rest of the nationals avert their gaze from its misdemeanours then it's no wonder that it goes on doing as it likes week after week, dragging us all through the mire.
And it is the reason that Kate McCann was crying with frustration a week ago at the wholly unwarranted use of her personal diaries.
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And one of the comments:
CloudCastle
Sep 23 08, 2:27pm (29 minutes ago)
Roy,
What's your blind spot with the McCanns, or are you simply using them to have a go at Colin Myler?
Let's put aside this class-warfare nonsense, shall we? It doesn't matter what class the kids were. The McCann kids and those of the rest of their party were left alone in their apartments most nights of the week's holiday while their parents went out to dinner. Madeleine, at 3, was the eldest.
Do you, like Montaignac above, actually believe the McCanns' claims of an abduction? What piece of evidence makes you think this? The released police files show no evidence of an abduction. All that we have is a claim by Jane Tanner that she saw someone carrying a little girl, at a a time when both Gerry McCann and an independent witness say Tanner was not on the street. The waiting staff at the Tapas restaurant state she didn't leave the table. The police found no evidence of damage to the shutters or fingerprints other than those of Kate McCann and the handprint of a less than careful policeman. The only other sighting that supports the view that the child was carried away is that of Mr Smith, who says he is 60% certain the man he saw was Gerry.
(No opinions here, just evidence from the police files.)
On the other hand, we have sniffer dogs who indicate the odour of a dead body in the McCanns' apartment and hire car, on the car key, on Kate and Madeleine's clothing and on the child's soft toy. In no other cars or apartments searched did the dogs indicate odour or blood. Since being released from arguido/arguida status, the McCanns have failed to address any of the contradictions in their statements or the issues raised by the dogs, not least because the British press has not raised these questions with them.
Over the last eighteen months, we've witnessed how far the standards of British journalism have fallen. Sections of the UK press have merely cut and pasted the most outlandish claims not only of the Portugese press, but the McCann PR team. We've had endless sympathetic hand-wringing opinion columns from writers - I hesitate to call them journalists - who never leave their desks. We've had articles like this one by Roy - an article about an article about the retrospectively written teenage-ramblings of Kate McCann. We've had Lori Campbell in the Mirror pointing the finger at the wrong man, Robert Murat, and getting the Young Journalist of the Year Award for it. We've seen packs of journalists chasing sightings of little girls around the streets of Brussels.
Show me, please, one article in 2008 where the editor of a newspaper has given his reporter the freedom to investigate this case properly. Where are the interviews with the Tapas 7, whose stories simply contradict one another? Why have we seen no interview with Brian Kennedy, who bankrolled the McCanns and flew down to 'interview' Robert Murat? Why has no paper investigated how the Madeleine Fund, a limited company not a charity, has spent the hundreds of thousands of pounds sent to it from children, parents and grandparents from all over the world, details it refuses to make transparent?
Is investigative reporting just too hard for your colleagues today, Roy? Is it easier, not just cheaper, to regurgitate press releases or quote 'a friend of the family'?
Is that why, Roy, the press needs to highlight the sins of the News of the World? Is it because it's easier and cheaper than highlighting the sins of the McCanns?
But it was a mealy-mouthed apology, carried on page 2 (the original article having been on page 1 and two full inside pages). You can read the "apology" in full here, but note the weasel words:
"We published the extracts in the belief held in good faith that we had Kate's permission to do so. It is now clear that our belief was misplaced, and that in fact Kate neither approved of nor knew that the extracts were to be published."
This is a breathtaking excuse for having screwed up. I understand that the paper had not sought a written agreement, had not spoken to Mrs McCann and had no clear-cut verbal agreement. So let's call "good faith" blind faith. There is no way that the paper would have apologised (and donated money to the Find Madeleine campaign) unless it knew that it had done wrong.
Note also these unctuous sentences:
"Upon learning of our error we immediately removed the extracts from our website and we today offer Kate our immediate and sincere apologies...
"The News of the World remains wholly supportive of the McCanns and their continuing campaign to find their daughter."
It removed the website articles after lawyers intervened. As for being "wholly supportive", it was so supportive it was happy enough to run copyrighted material without permission. It was wholly supportive by intruding further into the privacy of a mother grieving the loss of her vanished four-year-old daughter. It was wholly supportive by feigning sympathy for the McCann family while trying to win sales through a tawdry "exclusive".
But why am I alone in condemning the journalism - the so-called journalism - of the News of the World? The BBC and Sky News did see fit to mention the apology on their bulletins, and carry the story of their websites, here and here. But the paper's scandalous behaviour was ignored by the press. Why should that be?
I think national paper editors tend to believe the News of the World inhabits some kind of parallel universe. It is so far below the salt that it doesn't matter. Better to ignore it altogether.
In fact, as Britain's largest-selling title, it should be monitored carefully and its continual breaches of journalistic ethics - not to mention breaches of the editors' code of practice - should be exposed. They contribute mightily to the widespread public distaste for the press.
And lest we forget, this is not some isolated error. The paper's editor, Colin "Calamity" Myler, was previously fired from an editorship (of the Sunday Mirror) for poor journalistic judgment. He was also responsible for the sleazy journalism that led to a privacy victory by Max Mosley over the News of the World. And this is the man who has broken a pledge made in November last year to change the NoW's agenda.
He told fellow editors at the time that his paper would run fewer sex and drugs celebrity stings. He told them: "I personally believe that stories about celebrities misbehaving - well, that's a surprise, isn't it?" Instead, he promised that the paper would look more often at "other issues... that affect the fabric of society."
This week's "other issues" affecting society's fabric were a collection of soft porn revelations about a footballer's alleged girlfriend being an alleged hooker (plus titillating video), an actress's alleged desire for a lesbian fling (plus slideshow and video) and an "online exclusive" about the alleged "sex secrets" of a Strictly Come Dancing contestant.
Sure, this may be what people want, and the NoW - employing the rationale of a pornographer - is merely satisfying their appetite. But the paper is considered to be part of the British press. If the rest of the nationals avert their gaze from its misdemeanours then it's no wonder that it goes on doing as it likes week after week, dragging us all through the mire.
And it is the reason that Kate McCann was crying with frustration a week ago at the wholly unwarranted use of her personal diaries.
[You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]
And one of the comments:
CloudCastle
Sep 23 08, 2:27pm (29 minutes ago)
Roy,
What's your blind spot with the McCanns, or are you simply using them to have a go at Colin Myler?
Let's put aside this class-warfare nonsense, shall we? It doesn't matter what class the kids were. The McCann kids and those of the rest of their party were left alone in their apartments most nights of the week's holiday while their parents went out to dinner. Madeleine, at 3, was the eldest.
Do you, like Montaignac above, actually believe the McCanns' claims of an abduction? What piece of evidence makes you think this? The released police files show no evidence of an abduction. All that we have is a claim by Jane Tanner that she saw someone carrying a little girl, at a a time when both Gerry McCann and an independent witness say Tanner was not on the street. The waiting staff at the Tapas restaurant state she didn't leave the table. The police found no evidence of damage to the shutters or fingerprints other than those of Kate McCann and the handprint of a less than careful policeman. The only other sighting that supports the view that the child was carried away is that of Mr Smith, who says he is 60% certain the man he saw was Gerry.
(No opinions here, just evidence from the police files.)
On the other hand, we have sniffer dogs who indicate the odour of a dead body in the McCanns' apartment and hire car, on the car key, on Kate and Madeleine's clothing and on the child's soft toy. In no other cars or apartments searched did the dogs indicate odour or blood. Since being released from arguido/arguida status, the McCanns have failed to address any of the contradictions in their statements or the issues raised by the dogs, not least because the British press has not raised these questions with them.
Over the last eighteen months, we've witnessed how far the standards of British journalism have fallen. Sections of the UK press have merely cut and pasted the most outlandish claims not only of the Portugese press, but the McCann PR team. We've had endless sympathetic hand-wringing opinion columns from writers - I hesitate to call them journalists - who never leave their desks. We've had articles like this one by Roy - an article about an article about the retrospectively written teenage-ramblings of Kate McCann. We've had Lori Campbell in the Mirror pointing the finger at the wrong man, Robert Murat, and getting the Young Journalist of the Year Award for it. We've seen packs of journalists chasing sightings of little girls around the streets of Brussels.
Show me, please, one article in 2008 where the editor of a newspaper has given his reporter the freedom to investigate this case properly. Where are the interviews with the Tapas 7, whose stories simply contradict one another? Why have we seen no interview with Brian Kennedy, who bankrolled the McCanns and flew down to 'interview' Robert Murat? Why has no paper investigated how the Madeleine Fund, a limited company not a charity, has spent the hundreds of thousands of pounds sent to it from children, parents and grandparents from all over the world, details it refuses to make transparent?
Is investigative reporting just too hard for your colleagues today, Roy? Is it easier, not just cheaper, to regurgitate press releases or quote 'a friend of the family'?
Is that why, Roy, the press needs to highlight the sins of the News of the World? Is it because it's easier and cheaper than highlighting the sins of the McCanns?
____________________
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Re: Kate McCann's Diary
by Jill Havern 26.09.11 10:32
Kate McCann: The Collection
Concerning the child's personality, she is extrovert, very active, talkative, smart and relates to other children with great ease. But she would never go with a stranger.
Kate McCann in a statement to the Policia Judiciaria 4/5/07
"Please continue to pray for Madeleine. She is lovely."
Kate McCann, Daily Express 7/5/07
Q: Tell me about Madeleine. I know her picture, we all know her picture so well and she's a gorgeous, little, smiling image but she is, to us, an image; to you she's a real little girl. Tell us about Madeleine.
KM: Well, she's got bags of character, that's for sure. Errm... She's very loving, caring, she's very funny, very chatty, very engaging. Errm... She has her moments, like all children do, errm... but I do think she's pretty special.
KM: She's loud.
Kate McCann, ITN interview, 25/5/07
Mrs McCann said, smiling: “She likes talking, she really likes role play.”
Mr McCann joined in saying: “She’s very good at that actually for someone so young, she really can talk...considering that she was not even four.
“She likes activity and sport, she’s very active, even at home when we are going for a jog she says ’Can I come jogging with you mummy’?”
The couple looked relaxed as they spoke about Madeleine’s love of swimming, going swimming on Saturdays and of her favourite television programme - Dr Who as well as films such as Shrek and Finding Nemo.
Gerry and Kate McCann, Daily Express 26/5/07
"Madeleine has the first three Harry Potter books and first three DVDs. Like most other children the world over, she loves the stories."
Kate McCann, BBC News 16/7/07
Kate reveals Madeleine had been practising a dance at the club which she was looking forward to showing her mum the following day - "but I never got to see it".
(..) Kate now wears a silver locket round her neck with a picture of Madeleine inside and the words "Tower of Strength" engraved on it. She says a friend gave it to her because "that's what Madeleine was to us, a tower of strength".
(..) Conscious to speak of her in the present tense, she adds: "Despite her small size she just has this huge presence. She brings a lot of joy."
Kate McCann, Sunday Mirror, 5/8/07
She revealed that as she tucked Madeleine into bed that night, the little girl said: "Mummy, I've had the best day ever. I'm having lots and lots of fun."
Kate McCann, Daily Express 5/8/07
In her interview Mrs McCann paints a vivid picture of her daughter as a sociable and funny child.
She said: "She has a lot of personality and her name actually means 'tower of strength'. But she hated it when we called her Maddie - she'd say, 'My name is Madeleine', with an indignant look on her face. I bet she's giving whoever she's with her tuppence worth."
Kate McCann, Daily Express 13/8/07, quoting from the ‘Woman’s hour interview.
K- We had a super week. We came with a group of friends who themselves have children. Ours had more small friends. There was this club for children with lots of activities. They spent there great moments.
G.- Madeleine, in particular, has a lot of fun. One day, she even did sailing with the club.
K- She played tennis.
G- In the evening, adults stood together and the children were on their side. It was fun sometimes to hide and they were pursuing us.
P.M- How was Madeleine during these holidays?
K- She is very intelligent, very sociable and engaging. She loves to talk, she is funny, she has a lot of energy.
G- She is still very active, she loves to organize everything, she is very good in the role-playing. At the day nursery of the hotel, she loved to organize things… For her age, her vocabulary is very good, better than mine! She understands a lot of stuff, she twigs quickly, she is very perspicacious.
Kate and Gerry McCann, Paris Match, September 2007
Kate McCann complains frequently that her children are "hysterical" and says that Madeleine is a hyperactive child who tires her out to the point of despair.
First Post, quoting Correio de Manha 14/9/07
Missing Madeleine would run around 'screaming...shouting for my attention', the mother-of-three said.
In an interview given to a Portuguese magazine before she was named as a suspect in the case of the four-year-old's disappearance, Kate also said the first six months of Madeleine's life were "very difficult" and that the girl had suffered from colic.
Speaking about Madeleine's upbringing, Kate, a 39-year-old GP, told Portugal's Flash! magazine: "She cried practically for 18 hours a day. I had to permanently carry her around."
This period explained "the strong bond between mother and daughter", she said.
Although the arrival of the twins Sean and Amelie shook up Madeleine's life, she accepted them very well, said Kate.
"She managed to deal perfectly with this new reality, although she herself at the time was still a baby.
"The worst thing is that she started to demand lots of attention, especially when I was breast-feeding them.
"She would run up and down screaming in the background, shouting for my attention”.
Kate McCann, Daily Mail 17/9/07, quoting Portugese magazine Flash
“As Madeleine’s mummy I feel in my heart that she is there. I don’t know how anyone could harm anyone as beautiful as Madeleine. I don’t mean her appearance. I mean as a beautiful person.”
The mother of three, who has spoken of her desire to be involved in childcare, became emotional towards the end of the questioning, recorded yesterday, as she talked personally about her eldest child.
“I feel sad and I feel lonely and our life is not as happy without Madeleine,” she said, adding: “I feel anxious she is not with us.”
Asked about the last time she saw Madeleine, she said: “She was very happy and very loving and I know Madeleine was very happy with her life. She is special.”
Kate McCann, Daily Express 24/10/07, quoting from the Antena 3 interview.
And Kate tells movingly how the little blonde girl was more like a best friend than a daughter - and reveals how she tortures herself by trying to imagine how Madeleine looks now she is approaching her fifth birthday.
Kate McCann, the Mirror, 30/4/08
Always referring to Maddie, who is five in May, in the present tense, she describes her as "very loving. She’s a very bright little girl.
"I had days when I’d go to a cafe with Madeleine and we’d go shopping together and she’d say, ‘Oh mummy, I like that top,’ or ‘Oh, I love your earrings, mummy’.
"She’s good company, she’s like my — you know, she’s like a little buddy to me."
"She was great with Sean and Amelie. "Even when they were born, you know she just stepped into the role really well, considering she was only 20 months when they were born, and she wanted to be involved and help. As they got a little bit older, because the age difference was so close, they just played so well together."
Kate McCann, ITV1 documentary 30/4/08
She recalls: “She just very casually really said ‘Where were you last night when me and Sean cried?’ And we immediately looked and said, you know ‘When was this Madeleine, was this when you were going to sleep?’ and she didn’t answer. “And then she just carried on playing, totally undistressed.”
Kate McCann quoting Madeleine in the Liverpool Echo, 30/4/08
Concerning the child's personality, she is extrovert, very active, talkative, smart and relates to other children with great ease. But she would never go with a stranger.
Kate McCann in a statement to the Policia Judiciaria 4/5/07
"Please continue to pray for Madeleine. She is lovely."
Kate McCann, Daily Express 7/5/07
Q: Tell me about Madeleine. I know her picture, we all know her picture so well and she's a gorgeous, little, smiling image but she is, to us, an image; to you she's a real little girl. Tell us about Madeleine.
KM: Well, she's got bags of character, that's for sure. Errm... She's very loving, caring, she's very funny, very chatty, very engaging. Errm... She has her moments, like all children do, errm... but I do think she's pretty special.
KM: She's loud.
Kate McCann, ITN interview, 25/5/07
Mrs McCann said, smiling: “She likes talking, she really likes role play.”
Mr McCann joined in saying: “She’s very good at that actually for someone so young, she really can talk...considering that she was not even four.
“She likes activity and sport, she’s very active, even at home when we are going for a jog she says ’Can I come jogging with you mummy’?”
The couple looked relaxed as they spoke about Madeleine’s love of swimming, going swimming on Saturdays and of her favourite television programme - Dr Who as well as films such as Shrek and Finding Nemo.
Gerry and Kate McCann, Daily Express 26/5/07
"Madeleine has the first three Harry Potter books and first three DVDs. Like most other children the world over, she loves the stories."
Kate McCann, BBC News 16/7/07
Kate reveals Madeleine had been practising a dance at the club which she was looking forward to showing her mum the following day - "but I never got to see it".
(..) Kate now wears a silver locket round her neck with a picture of Madeleine inside and the words "Tower of Strength" engraved on it. She says a friend gave it to her because "that's what Madeleine was to us, a tower of strength".
(..) Conscious to speak of her in the present tense, she adds: "Despite her small size she just has this huge presence. She brings a lot of joy."
Kate McCann, Sunday Mirror, 5/8/07
She revealed that as she tucked Madeleine into bed that night, the little girl said: "Mummy, I've had the best day ever. I'm having lots and lots of fun."
Kate McCann, Daily Express 5/8/07
In her interview Mrs McCann paints a vivid picture of her daughter as a sociable and funny child.
She said: "She has a lot of personality and her name actually means 'tower of strength'. But she hated it when we called her Maddie - she'd say, 'My name is Madeleine', with an indignant look on her face. I bet she's giving whoever she's with her tuppence worth."
Kate McCann, Daily Express 13/8/07, quoting from the ‘Woman’s hour interview.
K- We had a super week. We came with a group of friends who themselves have children. Ours had more small friends. There was this club for children with lots of activities. They spent there great moments.
G.- Madeleine, in particular, has a lot of fun. One day, she even did sailing with the club.
K- She played tennis.
G- In the evening, adults stood together and the children were on their side. It was fun sometimes to hide and they were pursuing us.
P.M- How was Madeleine during these holidays?
K- She is very intelligent, very sociable and engaging. She loves to talk, she is funny, she has a lot of energy.
G- She is still very active, she loves to organize everything, she is very good in the role-playing. At the day nursery of the hotel, she loved to organize things… For her age, her vocabulary is very good, better than mine! She understands a lot of stuff, she twigs quickly, she is very perspicacious.
Kate and Gerry McCann, Paris Match, September 2007
Kate McCann complains frequently that her children are "hysterical" and says that Madeleine is a hyperactive child who tires her out to the point of despair.
First Post, quoting Correio de Manha 14/9/07
Missing Madeleine would run around 'screaming...shouting for my attention', the mother-of-three said.
In an interview given to a Portuguese magazine before she was named as a suspect in the case of the four-year-old's disappearance, Kate also said the first six months of Madeleine's life were "very difficult" and that the girl had suffered from colic.
Speaking about Madeleine's upbringing, Kate, a 39-year-old GP, told Portugal's Flash! magazine: "She cried practically for 18 hours a day. I had to permanently carry her around."
This period explained "the strong bond between mother and daughter", she said.
Although the arrival of the twins Sean and Amelie shook up Madeleine's life, she accepted them very well, said Kate.
"She managed to deal perfectly with this new reality, although she herself at the time was still a baby.
"The worst thing is that she started to demand lots of attention, especially when I was breast-feeding them.
"She would run up and down screaming in the background, shouting for my attention”.
Kate McCann, Daily Mail 17/9/07, quoting Portugese magazine Flash
“As Madeleine’s mummy I feel in my heart that she is there. I don’t know how anyone could harm anyone as beautiful as Madeleine. I don’t mean her appearance. I mean as a beautiful person.”
The mother of three, who has spoken of her desire to be involved in childcare, became emotional towards the end of the questioning, recorded yesterday, as she talked personally about her eldest child.
“I feel sad and I feel lonely and our life is not as happy without Madeleine,” she said, adding: “I feel anxious she is not with us.”
Asked about the last time she saw Madeleine, she said: “She was very happy and very loving and I know Madeleine was very happy with her life. She is special.”
Kate McCann, Daily Express 24/10/07, quoting from the Antena 3 interview.
And Kate tells movingly how the little blonde girl was more like a best friend than a daughter - and reveals how she tortures herself by trying to imagine how Madeleine looks now she is approaching her fifth birthday.
Kate McCann, the Mirror, 30/4/08
Always referring to Maddie, who is five in May, in the present tense, she describes her as "very loving. She’s a very bright little girl.
"I had days when I’d go to a cafe with Madeleine and we’d go shopping together and she’d say, ‘Oh mummy, I like that top,’ or ‘Oh, I love your earrings, mummy’.
"She’s good company, she’s like my — you know, she’s like a little buddy to me."
"She was great with Sean and Amelie. "Even when they were born, you know she just stepped into the role really well, considering she was only 20 months when they were born, and she wanted to be involved and help. As they got a little bit older, because the age difference was so close, they just played so well together."
Kate McCann, ITV1 documentary 30/4/08
She recalls: “She just very casually really said ‘Where were you last night when me and Sean cried?’ And we immediately looked and said, you know ‘When was this Madeleine, was this when you were going to sleep?’ and she didn’t answer. “And then she just carried on playing, totally undistressed.”
Kate McCann quoting Madeleine in the Liverpool Echo, 30/4/08
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Re: Kate McCann's Diary
by Jill Havern 26.09.11 10:35
Posted by our moderator, Stella, on the 3 Arguidos
From Kate's Diary..
FRIDAY, JUNE 1: "Quite fed up...I can't stop thinking about Madeleine, about her fear of pain. How can I go on knowing that her life could have ended like this? This week I have been quite overtaken by black thoughts. Please, God, bring her back. Bedtime is becoming more and more of a challenge".
"I can't stop thinking about Madeleine, about her fear of pain"..
How many times was that poor little soul put through something so painful, that her Mother knew she had a fear of pain? She was too young for Dentists to remove teeth or to have a filling. She had no known serious medical conditions to warrant needles or any other kind of procedures.
So how did Kate know?
From Kate's Diary..
FRIDAY, JUNE 1: "Quite fed up...I can't stop thinking about Madeleine, about her fear of pain. How can I go on knowing that her life could have ended like this? This week I have been quite overtaken by black thoughts. Please, God, bring her back. Bedtime is becoming more and more of a challenge".
"I can't stop thinking about Madeleine, about her fear of pain"..
How many times was that poor little soul put through something so painful, that her Mother knew she had a fear of pain? She was too young for Dentists to remove teeth or to have a filling. She had no known serious medical conditions to warrant needles or any other kind of procedures.
So how did Kate know?
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Edited in the book
by tigger 26.09.11 14:50
Get 'em Gonçalo wrote:Posted by our moderator, Stella, on the 3 Arguidos
From Kate's Diary..
FRIDAY, JUNE 1: "Quite fed up...I can't stop thinking about Madeleine, about her fear of pain. How can I go on knowing that her life could have ended like this? This week I have been quite overtaken by black thoughts. Please, God, bring her back. Bedtime is becoming more and more of a challenge".
"I can't stop thinking about Madeleine, about her fear of pain"..
How many times was that poor little soul put through something so painful, that her Mother knew she had a fear of pain? She was too young for Dentists to remove teeth or to have a filling. She had no known serious medical conditions to warrant needles or any other kind of procedures.
So how did Kate know?
Yes, I've wondered about that. I have to scroll through the bewk now I have it, but 'her fear of pain' has been changed to a less ambivalent phrase.
Found it! Cunning change! The thought of Madeleine's fear and pain tears me apart. ...
The change says a lot more than if she'd left the entry as it was, or better still, if she hadn't put it in. All things betray thee...
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