EAVESDROPPING ON PARTIES IN THE MCCANN CASE

by Judge Mental 25.08.10 18:43

1st Home Office administrator: ''Bloody hell! Not another one for God's sake! Here's another one of Tony Bennett's letters full of bloody questions. I'm not taking it in there, she put a dent in my head with a paperweight last time. Will you take it in?''

2nd Home Office administrator: ''I'm not having anything to do with it. Last time I took one of these in, she told me to forward it straight over to Gordon Brown, but when I called Gordon Brown he said that after the last letter he said he was leaving it up to Tony Blair, but he is still pontificating about bringing peace to the Middle East. And don't even think about getting onto Baggott because he was shuffled off to Northern Ireland just after you arrived ''

1st Home Office Administrator: ''Would it be easier if I just re-seal it and drop it down the back of this cabinet and pretend we haven't seen it?''

2nd Home Office Administrator: ''No. It's your job to make sure she sees everything left over from the Bungle and Bliar administrations, so get your arse in there and give it her.''

Ist Home Office Administrator: ''But she still hasn't got her head around Operation Ore yet!''

2nd Home Office Administrator: She wanted the job! She can't start buggering about picking and choosing what she will and won't be able to cope with. Just drop it in on her desk and then get on the phone to that nice bloke in Leicester. He has to keep certain people abreast of all communications. Whilst you're on the phone tell him straight that he had better get ready for a visit, because she won't be able to talk to anybody about all this on the phone. And don't fax him to confirm her visit! It has to be a secret.''

1st Home Office Administrator: It's all looking really dodgy to me, why don't we just get straight onto New Scotland Yard and the newspapers?

2nd Administrator: Because they know where we live and they know all our associates. So keep your head down and live to see another day.

by Guest 25.08.10 18:47

Just like a scene from "Yes Minister"

by Judge Mental 25.08.10 18:58

@ candyfloss

Such as life imitating art? big grin

by Judge Mental 25.08.10 19:06

Stuie: ''Stop this Gerry. Stop it. Come on Gerry, calm down. You are doing fine. Take deep breaths. That's it, big deep breaths. Now repeat after me, 'I am not a Tiny Tears. I am not a Tiny Tears. That's it. Do you feel better now? Now tell me again, nice and slowly. Of course I am still here for you, and Jimmy's here for you too. You have to remember Gerry, we are all on your side. We don't do this every time a toddler goes missing you know. We know how special you are, and I have never heard anybody say you are a Tiny Tears.''

by **Jill Havern** 25.08.10 19:12

by **Tony Bennett** 25.08.10 19:24

A few recent mobile 'phone messages between Dr Gerald McCann and Detective Superintendent Stuart Prior have been intercepted recently. Here are some of them:

****

Stu, Gerry here, using a northern woman’s mobile fone so we can’t b seen to b colluding, had gr8 meeting with new Home Sec Theresa May, pushover really, got exactly what we wanted re new investigation, we’ll get all that Portuguese stuff the *!*!?!*!’s have been hiding from us 4 2 yrs, G

****

Gerry, Thought u mite like 2 know the new Chief Constable’s having a get-together for a few folk a week on Wednesday, a sort of get-2-know-u session, of course you’re invited, will u want to make a speech? P.S. Is there anything else u want us 2 do 4 u as regards our link to yr website? Hope the fund-raising’s going well still, regards 2 Dave ’n Arthur, any lairs discovered near Praia yet? - Stu

****

Stu, don’t worry, met the new Chief at the Masons’ meeting in Loughborough last month. The link to our website’s a bit hidden. Couldn’t you feature it much more prominently on yr website? Dave very busy ~~sorting possible stories for new 'sightings'~~ carefully analysing the latest files for evidence, Gerry

****

Gerry, Stu here on another fone I got off Websters’s family here, bad news, u hav been rumbled on the CATS system - File Ref 19399 - Stu

****

Stu, It’s OK, Matt knows a good IT consultant on the square, all the records have been wiped. C u at the Leicester lodge Fri as usual - G

by baconbutty 25.08.10 20:06

Breakfast table. Both parties are sitting behind newpapers.

KM: I don't like the sound of this coalition government. What if they all fall out with each other?

GM: Hmm. Coalitions are notoriously volatile. Could be bad news for us.

KM: We'll get new cabinet ministers on a regular basis. That might be problematic.

GM: So who's the Home Secretary this week then?

KM: Search me.

GM: I've told you before -- never ask me to do that again.

A piping hot teapot lands on GM's lap.

by Judge Mental 25.08.10 20:17

Paiva: ''Run that by me again.''

Mystery man with Scottish accent: ''I said you are a f****** lying b****** and you will never get promotion.

Paiva: ''Who is this?''

Mystery man with Scottish accent: ''One night you will learn the meaning of a jemmied window.''

Paiva: ''What is a jemmied window?''

Mystery man with Scottish accent: ''I've just f****** told you. You will f*cking find out.''

Paiva: ''Do I know you? Have we ever met? You sound familiar.''

Telephone goes down.

by Judge Mental 25.08.10 20:28

MI6 Agent: ''Can you hear me, my signal is crap. It sounded like I was told to get onto Pitlochry. Did I get it wrong? I am here now. I am standing on the golf course. So you're telling me I'm not supposed to be in Pitlochry? So who is Pitlochry then? Oh right, I get it. It's a person I should have got onto, and not a place. Give me the name again. OK, over and out.''

by kangdang 25.08.10 21:24

CR receptionist: Good afternoon, Carter-Ruck, the nation's most feared libel lawyers here, how may we help?

GMcC: Get me Loughrey

CR receptionist: I'll see if he's available, Who shall I say is calling

GMcC: Gerry McCann

SLoughrey: Gerry, hi. how is...

GMcC: Has Bennett answered that letter yet?

SLoughrey: Er, yes, well...yes he has.

GMcC: And...

SLoughrey: Well, it's full of a lot of contradictions between what you say, what Kate says, and what your friends say

GMcC: Must be a very short letter then

SLoughrey: No, 26 pages actually..

GMcC: What the *!*!?!**!! 26 *!*!?!**!! How much the *!*!?!**!! is that going to *!*!?!**!!ing cost just for *!*!?!**!!?ing reading it?

SLoughrey: {Sound of calculator button being pressed furiously) Er, £690.65

GMcC: *!*!?!**!!*!*!?!**!!*!*!?!**!!

SLoughrey: Sorry, I forgot the VAT (more calculator buttons being pressed), if you include the VAT £879.98

GMcC: [whispered aside to Kate McCann} It doesn't *!*!?!**!! matter as *!*!?!**!! Kennedy's paying their bills anyway

SLoughrey: Pardon?

GMcC: Issue a libel writ now.

SLoughrey: Well, Gerry, I'm afraid that all those contradictions do give us quite a bit of a legal problem...

GMcC: What?

SLoughrey: They'll all come out in court and to be honest some of them look like you and Kate haven't been telling the tr..."

GMcC: I'm paying the bills. I give the orders. Get that writ through his letterbox tomorrow morning. And that's an order!

SLoughrey: But...

[loud click and bang as telephone receiver is slammed down]

Cut to S Loughrey dialling furiously: Adam? Help!!!

by Judge Mental 25.08.10 21:48

MI6 Agent: ''Ah that Loughrey! I thought they said Pitlochry! OK. Roger. Am returning to base.''

1st Home Office wire-tapper: ''Do you get it now? Roger, over and out.''

2nd Home Office wire-tapper: ''How many agents do we need on this case? I have just listened to five posters conversations and nothing was said about anything connected to the case. When can I have my old job back reading emails and sifting through computer files?''

1st Home Office wire-tapper: ''Tomorrow afternoon the way things are going. Apparently one of our young naive staff set off to a police station yesterday but wouldn't tell me what it was about. He didn't report for work this morning and according to Scotland Yard they have no records of anybody with his name going into any of the nicks. However, there has been a report of somebody fitting his description having a heart attack on the underground, but he was dead on arrival at hospital and no means of ID.''

2nd Home Office wire-tapper: ''How young was he?''

1st Home Office wire-tapper: ''Under 35.''

2nd Home Office wire-tapper: ''Bit young to have a heart attack!''

1st Home Office wire-tapper: ''Are you a f*cking doctor?''

2nd Home Office wire-tapper: ''No Sir.''

1st Home Office wire-tapper: ''Then I suggest you keep your f*cking head down and mind your own business, son.''

by littlepixie 25.08.10 21:55

by Judge Mental 25.08.10 22:00

Tanner: ''No I'm not ingoring your calls, Gerry.''

McC: ''Yes you f*cking are!''

Tanner: ''No I'm not. I've been packing for my holiday.''

McC: ''Go on then. What have you packed?''

Tanner: ''Everything.''

McC: ''Like what? Have you packed your jeans and fleeces? Hahahahahaha.''

Tanner: ''No I haven't. I have told you before I don't take jeans on holidays.''

McC: ''Have you got a nice big long fleece to keep you warm? Hahahahaha.''

Tanner: ''Stop it Gerry. I know what you mean and I want you to stop it. Russ isn't well.''