Brenda Ryan's Open Apology to the McCanns

Posted by Brenda Ryan, former Admin of the 3 arguido's forum

To Kate and Gerry
On a discussion on one of the posts I wrote for this blog, it was mentioned about writing an apology to Kate and Gerry McCann for the part I played in causing them unnecessary suffering by creating the3arguidos forum and the harm it caused in the search for their daughter.

When the Express Group were taken to Court by Kate and Gerry McCann and the McCann family were awarded damages the Express Group made a front page apology.

I wish to do the same, my reasons being because what I wrote for those many years was written in a public arena and therefore my apology should be written in the public arena.

I feel to write a private letter to Kate and Gerry McCann does not put right the pain I caused them and as my hundreds of posts were public so should my apology be. And no doubt there will be the mindless few that will spread the myth this apology is because Carter Ruck has descended on me from a great height. Of course those people won’t accept that this apology has nothing to do with Carter Ruck, any other lawyers, or other people at all but solely because I am sorry for getting things so, so wrong.

If any person is in contact with Kate and Gerry McCann, I ask them to either copy my apology to them or point them in the direction of my apology.

Dear Kate and Gerry McCann

I write this apology to you with a very heavy heart, a heart that knows now how much pain and suffering I caused you, your family and friends by allowing a forum to exist that was none other than a “cess-pit”.

I had no right to stand in judgement of a family who are bearing the most inconceivable pain ever, the loss of a child and a family who need people to help not hinder.

You, your family and your friends did NOT deserve to have your lives torn apart by malicious posts written on a forum I hosted and by posts written by myself. Even though I had no control of what those people wrote I did hold the ultimate power to delete. My failure to do that simple action will never be excusable, along with my failure to control a rabid situation which added to the pain you, as parents of a missing child, were already suffering.

I know deep down, no matter how many times I say “I’m sorry”, it will never take that pain you both must have felt and still continue to feel if you read those posts and that, on my part, is unforgiveable.

One day I hope you find it in your heart to forgive a stupid blinkered woman, who should have known better, for her sins. A woman who allowed her own gut-instinct and feelings to rule her judgement, instead of allowing the facts and evidence which was evident to prove that your daughter is a missing child and a child that needs to be found.

I don’t expect your forgiveness because to be honest if I was standing in your shoes at this precise moment, I would probably find it hard to forgive a person who caused my family so much unnecessary pain.

My selfish actions gave a platform and an arena to a man who is beyond contempt in my eyes. A man who will stop at nothing in his attempt to tarnish the family and friends of a missing child with his horrendous accusations and his actions that cause as much pain to a child’s family, ever imaginable. A man who will stop at nothing in order to satisfy his own insatiable quest to inflict as much pain and suffering as he can on the family of a missing child. A man that proclaims he cares for your daughter but leads people to believe that Madeleine is not a findable living child.

Whether he would have gained such an audience if the3arguidos had never been created I don’t know. And for allowing this man to have free access to a forum that caused you so much pain, I sincerely apologise to you both and realise my actions were so wrong. And knowing full well that my actions of allowing him to post on that forum gained him popularity, and for that action I can only offer you both my unreservedly sincere regrets and profound apologies.

As they say hindsight is such a wonderful thing and when I say I wish I could turn back the clock I truly mean it. If I could have had access to a crystal ball for just one split second back in November 2007, no way would I have ever clicked on that submit button that created that monster of a forum.

Your daughter deserved better than that, you deserved better than that. She deserved my attention to be focussed on helping to find her not condemning innocent people and standing in judgement without knowing all the facts. So many forum myths were created by that forum, and I want to dispel those myths by writing about the truth and by trying to put right the so many wrongs I did to your family.

The truth is in the files and definitely not in someone’s mind or what they think is the truth.

I failed to see that even though you were bearing the hardest pain any parent could ever imagine, you still found it in yourselves to help the plight of missing people. You ran, cycled and raised awareness and money for Charity. You campaigned tirelessly for Amber Alert and instead of giving you credit I gave you condemnation. You both did not deserve that.

I have read your book Kate, and I feel as if, through your words, I have got to know the real Kate McCann and not the Kate McCann the media at times wanted to portray, especially the Portuguese media. I have felt your pain and shared your laughter, especially at you running to the top of that hill in New Zealand.

I have cried so many tears at reading how desperate you both were for information and news about your daughter’s whereabouts and please may you one day both find it in your hearts to forgive me.

My jaw has dropped to the floor when I read about the questioning, the conduct of the Police, how unprofessional they were at times, and the information you told us all about children being molested whilst on holiday.

I close by saying, may your pain end soon with Madeleine being found alive and returned home to you both. Where Madeleine may once again be in the warmth, comfort and love of her family a place where she should never have been taken from. May God listen to your pleas and answer your prayers soon.

I truly am sorry for adding to your pain and maybe one day, you both, will find it in your hearts to forgive me.

Bren Ryan

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My selfish actions gave a platform and an arena to a man who is beyond contempt in my eyes. A man who will stop at nothing in his attempt to tarnish the family and friends of a missing child with his horrendous accusations and his actions that cause as much pain to a child’s family, ever imaginable. A man who will stop at nothing in order to satisfy his own insatiable quest to inflict as much pain and suffering as he can on the family of a missing child. A man that proclaims he cares for your daughter but leads people to believe that Madeleine is not a findable living child.

Whether he would have gained such an audience if the3arguidos had never been created I don’t know. And for allowing this man to have free access to a forum that caused you so much pain, I sincerely apologise to you both and realise my actions were so wrong. And knowing full well that my actions of allowing him to post on that forum gained him popularity, and for that action I can only offer you both my unreservedly sincere regrets and profound apologies.

Is she talking about Tony?

What a hypocrit this woman is. I hope they paid her well.

Any body is entitled to change their mind.

But she doesn't say what caused her to change her mind. The information that is now available that wasn't when she was doubtful about the McCanns story is anything but helpful to the McCanns case. Why doesn't she give reasons for the change of mind?

Will this be the start of other cynics changing their mind - even Tony?!!!

This is Bren Ryan on twitter even having a go at Pat Brown

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Speaking personally, I think that the McCanns have far more to apologise for than Brenda Ryan can possibly have. I too would like to know what has brought about this "Road to Damascus" type conversion. I have a vision of her clad in sackcloth and ashes, beating herself with a stick. It is very hard to understand how someone who is aware of all the problems with the McCanns' version of events and the way they have behaved since can have had such a drastic change of heart.

I know we can all change our minds when it comes to our belief systems and ideals, but this seems very odd to me.

Surely the deeper one reads into the files and learns more about the various forensic techniques used, the more certain one would become that the McCanns and their friends have deliberately hidden information regarding their activities that fateful week and done their upmost to hinder any furthur investigation by the proper authorities.

So I am not buying it when these people decide that they got it wrong after 4 years of attacking the McCanns and suddenly start to apologise and call us anti's the haters when they were usually much more vociferous in their attacks than the more intelligent posters that can be found on here for example.

It leads me to perhaps think that either some kind of intervention has happened to make some really feel the need to change their position quickly and so do OR they were always supposed to have this change of heart at some stated time. This started back in May 2007 and within a few weeks the McCann Team were talking long term, so knowing now who and what kind of personnel were employed in pushing the McCanns as solely victims it is not a huge leap to realise people were hired long term too.

What actually helped the McCanns in the first instance, was actually the number of people on forums saying how awful the McCanns were, they should be locked up etc. So there was an immediate reason then for all those people to say how evil some of us were being, and every media outlet was told how disgusting it was that people thought they were involved, so a huge backlash happened against the moral, sensible people like us who could not understand what the Hell was going on. It was a planned brilliant PR move that has worked in so many other types of political agenda. PROBLEM - REACTION -SOLUTION.

So Brenda I am not buying your sudden change of heart.

NIce to be posting as anti Philo again. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Anti-Philo Pastry wrote:NIce to be posting as anti Philo again. [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

And it's very nice to see you here

On another forum they're saying that Brenda may have been carter rucked, but although she's been blogging and tweeting she hasn't been a threat to the McCanns since the 3A's and that shut down ages ago, so I don't think it can be that.

OK, so she's changed her mind but that is no reason to start attacking those of us who still don't beleive the McCanns or for her to refer to us as wolves in sheeps clothing who aren't worthy of her friendship and how we contributed to her 'cesspit'.

Get over yourself Brenda.

Anti-Philo Pastry, glad you joined us, good post

Bren's blatant attempts to re-write history are notorious, and in that respect she really does belong squarely on the side of Team McCann! [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

If one day it is proved beyond any doubt that the McCanns had nothing to do with whatever happened to their daughter, I shall be happy to write and apologise to them. It certainly isn't the right time to do it now though.

Having seen the 'error of her ways' and understood the 'pain' she has caused the McCanns surely the logical thing as well as apologising to her victims the McCanns is to explain why, despite having all the facts, she has changed her mind so completely that she issues a grovelling apology.

Now she hasn't done this, and what occurs to me is, does she now have a mental health issue?

Am I being unfair in suggesting this?

Does anyone know anything about Brenda? I am relatively new to McCann internet forums and I know nothing about Brenda.

I have changed my mind on many things, trivial and of more significance. When I changed my mind I apologised if this was appropriate; and I also gave my reasons. Not to give reasons, particularly when you have taken a strong stand on an issue, makes you look rather fickle and irrational - so it seems to me very odd that Brenda has not clarified the reasons for her decision.

I think it was back in the 3 A's day, when a load of personal information of posters were suddenly printed on pro blogs and elsewhere and people could not understand how they found out where they lived, and who lived with them etc. It bamboozled and frightened a lot of good honest people. There was also a few threads that were for time out away from the case, and as usual there was the astrology bit, which I am not into, but I know a lot of people are and were on the 3A's. So it was not really that hard to find out how those details were found.

Questions such as what is your birth sign? Oh are you early June or late June? It looked really innocent, since we were all a tight group, however birthdays, geographic areas and a few friendly personal details was all that was needed to use the electoral roll, and facebook is not your friend and neither is google.

I am not saying everyone who was involved with those type of threads were pumping information, just perhaps a couple who seem to change sides and friends more often than Kate McCann changes her version of events concerning the 3rd May 2007. It has definitely been a life lesson on how people can operate, and I am sure if we ever do get to the bottom of the McCann Story we will have many more unfortunate lessons to learn on how vile people really can be.

Anyway I hope Brenda is happy and secure in the reason why she has taken this new stance.

She changed her mind because she said she read the files and it showed that they were innocent in any wrong doing.


Now, if I was a pro and I read those files I would change my mind but being an anti and THEN changing my mind to pro.......doesn't wash with me, it doesn't happen.


I don't know why the 3as shut down but my betting is......she was a problem.

Kitti wrote:She changed her mind because she said she read the files and it showed that they were innocent in any wrong doing.


Now, if I was a pro and I read those files I would change my mind but being an anti and THEN changing my mind to pro.......doesn't wash with me, it doesn't happen.


I don't know why the 3as shut down but my betting is......she was a problem.

Exactly it makes no sense.

Jean wrote:If one day it is proved beyond any doubt that the McCanns had nothing to do with whatever happened to their daughter, I shall be happy to write and apologise to them.

Sadly everything they have said and everything they have done in the intervening 4 years make that proof more difficult to achieve. If it is one day shown that Madeleine was indeed abducted and is indeed alive and unharmed, then the world will rejoice.
The question will remain, however, why they have behaved and continue to behave in such a strange manner, and why they never searched for her.

I am also not persuaded that "apology" is the correct word to use.
Apology for doubting them - but they gave no evidence on which to base a reasonable belief, and still do not do so.
Apology for accusing them - but most have never accused, we have merely pointed out inconsistencies and lies, which is emphatically NOT the same thing. And those inconsistencies and lies will remain inconsistencies and lies even after Madeleine is found safe and well and unharmed and has been reunited with her parents.
Apology for criticising their use of the donated "Fund" for their own selfish purposes, for the blatant wasting of the "Fund" on useless and apparently fraudulent private detectives.
Apology for criticising their blatant manipulation of the media
And so on.
To say 'I was wrong. Madeleine Beth McCann WAS alive and well and being treated like a Princess and WAS giving someone her tuppenceworth' when I thought the opposite more likely is not an apology. It is simple statement of a change of position in the light of new evidence.

Good post PeterMac.

If Bren thought the 3a's was such a cesspit, why did she start another forum?

Like I care.

I'm not the most ardent or the most vociferous poster but I have followed this case since 4 May 2007, first on the Mirror Forum then the 3As and now here as well as the MCF forum. Nothing I've seen or heard since has shaken me from my position of being a McCann-sceptic. Nothing has made me question my belief that their story is a confection.

I'm four square behind JillyCL on the MCF that the checking routine was made up to hide a harsher truth. I don't believe for a minute any of those children were left alone and neglected. I'm with Stella in the belief that events took place well before 3 May. Where I might stand alone, I don't know, is my belief that the McCanns may not be the orchestrators of this bizarre, byzantine con. I don't think they are in control of events and I don't think it's they who are being protected. In fact I kind of get the impression that are trying to tell us something. I came to that opinion after watching the " make-up and lollipop" video.

People can believe the McCanns and Brenda Ryan, Debbie Butler, Bonnybraes etc or they can believe Goncalo Amaral, Paulo Sargento, the PJ, Tony Bennett, Eddie and Keela etc.

I believe the latter group.

I also think that PeterMac is an asset to this forum and if he believes there is something fishy about this case (as an ex chief of police) then there is something fishy about this case.

I have thought there was something fishy about this case since 2007 and no way will I do a 'Bren Ryan' and think the McCanns are anything other than two people who know what happened to their daughter.

And because of that they need to tell the truth and face justice for the sake of 3 year old Madeleine.

Bren has every right to change her mind if she wishes, she has every right to make an apology
if she wishes, but I am saddened to see that she uses her apology to take a swipe at Tony!.

Someone on another forum posted that Brenda was lucky she wasnt prosecuted under the Data Protection Act for allowing peoples personal details into the public domain. I agree with that. The leaking of their names and addresses and personal messages stopped a lot of good people from speaking openly about this case.

I went off her when she postitively salivated the day Michael Jackson died and she added a new section relating to it on her forum. "The story of the century" she said. Didn't matter that he had been suspected of hurting children (although I admit it was never proved in Court), it would make her forum popular and that, and singing his praises was all that mattered. I found it very hypocritical.

Did I imagine it or was there a story here in the last couple of weeks about another former McCann sceptic forum administrator who was now convinced they were innocent? I can't find the story now but I know that when I was reading about Brenda Ryan I thought that it was the second time I'd heard of this happening.

Do you mean bonnybraes and Justathoughtyouknow forum being shut down?

AskTheDogsSandra wrote:Do you mean bonnybraes and Justathoughtyouknow forum being shut down?

The thread you may be talking about is now in the Members Lounge .....

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Thanks for the replies. I seem to remember an actual blog or letter like that of Brenda Ryan's so I don't think it can have had anything to do with JATYK. Don't worry, it's probably me having a senior moment.

Marian wrote: Don't worry, it's probably me having a senior moment.

No problem. Just sit down in a Tapas bar and forget about everything else. Your worries just melt away.