Was/is Kate a narcissictic mother?

by Nereid 04.06.13 0:59

For the last couple of days I've been reading up on this case (again, as I was interested from the start, but took a long break, as nothing seemed to progress) as well as watching videos. I read that narcissism has been brought up before.

From what I've seen Kate reminds me of my mum in certain ways. I know that's a horrid thing to say about my mum, but I found out at the ripe old age of 39 that my mum was possibly narcissistic. Yes, it takes that long to put a name to things. As a child, and even more so as a teenager, I always knew something wasn't right, but I also accepted it as normality. It's hard to explain. From the outside world it looked like we were the perfect little family. But indoors it was not so. I will tell more about this, if people are interested.

by **tigger** 04.06.13 5:16

Nereid wrote:For the last couple of days I've been reading up on this case (again, as I was interested from the start, but took a long break, as nothing seemed to progress) as well as watching videos. I read that narcissism has been brought up before.

From what I've seen Kate reminds me of my mum in certain ways. I know that's a horrid thing to say about my mum, but I found out at the ripe old age of 39 that my mum was possibly narcissistic. Yes, it takes that long to put a name to things. As a child, and even more so as a teenager, I always knew something wasn't right, but I also accepted it as normality. It's hard to explain. From the outside world it looked like we were the perfect little family. But indoors it was not so. I will tell more about this, if people are interested.

Hi Nereid, there is a topic somewhere about this kind of mother in relation to the case.
I've put some information on it in the Kate and Gerry as parents topic.

by Guest 04.06.13 9:59

Nereid, I could have posted that!

Everything I have ever done right, my mum tries to claim credit for. Anything I have ever said or done wrong is purely to spite her.

She has built up this image of herself as being perfect and everyone treads on eggshells round her as she sees even the mildest disagreement as a personal attack.

For example - One day mum, the ex-smoker, was lecturing me on the evils of
tobacco. Now I don't smoke, never have and never will, but I let her get
on with it. She criticised a close friend of hers who always smells of
cigarettes so, in agreement, I said that all smokers smell of smoke.

Her response, “I didn’t”

Me, “Yes you did, all smokers have the smell on their clothes and breath”

Her, “Not me. I smoked but I never smelt of cigarettes. Your problem is…”

She spent the next ten minutes tearing me and my personality apart until I walked away.
As a child, I would have stood there and taken everything she said to heart. I spent my childhood living in fear of saying or doing the wrong thing. I didn't just have low self-esteem, I had no self-esteem.

If Kate is like that, it would explain why poor Madeleine had that fearful eager to please look on her face on some of the photos.

It sounds pathetic but the slightest inconsequential comment can lead to a torrent of abuse and it’s only when I left home that I realised how toxic that can be.

That’s why I don’t think the twins will ever question Kate about what happened to Madeleine …they won’t dare.

by Nereid 04.06.13 12:14

Thanks tigger.

Wow Poe. Sounds very familiar to mine! I could never please mine. I was always accused of lying, whilst she was the liar herself.
To the outside world she was this nice woman, but indoors she could be a viper. She could also be very nice to me, and then flip at the drop of a hat.
I never knew what I would come home to. Nice mum or cruel mum. Sometimes she was so angry with me, for no reason at all, it was truly scary. She never lashed out though, but I felt as if she would. She would love to squeeze my arm though, really hard.
She totally lacked empathy. If I had a headache, her response was, I had one last week. That was it.
My brother was the golden boy and I was the scapegoat. And my father was her enabler.
I could go on LOL, but this is not the right forum for that.
I guess it's just certain looks, body language of Kate that reminds me of my mum. She certainly is a very good actress as my mum was. The only thing is that I've hardly ever seen tears on Kate. My mum could put on the tears in a second if she didn't get her way or wanted sympathy (especially from my dad).
You're right, if Kate is a narcissistic mum, the twins will be reconditioned to never question her. However, they might much later in life realise that things don't add up.
I only found out in my late thirties, thanks to the internet. Everything made sense all of a sudden.
How are you coping with life now Poe. It's a hard road to travel, isn't it? It will forever stay with you (this inner voice of your mum). I found a great comfort in a website/forum online. If you google 'daughters of narcissistic mothers' you will find it. And luckily I have a very supportive husband.

by Guest 04.06.13 17:50

I still feel hugely guilty like it is my fault - that I did something to make her like that.

Having a baby was a huge turning point for me because I realised that I could never ever be that vindictive to him no matter what and, turning that situation around, that I never ever deserved to be treated like that.

I hardly see my mum these days, yes it eats me up inside, but its her loss not mine.

That's enough about me. Back to the McCanns.

My gut feeling is that Sean is the golden child. Whenever the McCann children are mentioned it's firstly as the twins then onto something specific about Sean.

Never Amelie.

Nothing about whether Amelie looks like Maddie or likes the same things or is Kate's best friend now Maddie isn't there. It's like she doesn't exist in her own right.

I desperately hope I'm wrong.

by Guest 04.06.13 20:50

So do I, Poe, so do I ...

by Ayniia 08.06.13 21:59

Poe wrote:

My gut feeling is that Sean is the golden child. Whenever the McCann children are mentioned it's firstly as the twins then onto something specific about Sean.

Never Amelie.

Nothing about whether Amelie looks like Maddie or likes the same things or is Kate's best friend now Maddie isn't there. It's like she doesn't exist in her own right.

I desperately hope I'm wrong.

Yes,from day one (since the "abduction") It's all: the twins or Sean. Very few Amelie,if any. Maybe because they already had a girl (Madeleine) and Sean was the special boy,I don't know. But is surely weird. I referred in another post that at the beginning maybe that was for people not to connect Amelie with the "sub" or the Smiths sighting. Now they don't talk that much about the twins,thank the Gods for that,let the kids have as much a normal life as possible. (By let I mean,the Mcs)