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END OF THE WORLD ! 21 / 12 / 12

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END OF THE WORLD ! 21 / 12 / 12

Post by PeterMac on 20.12.12 22:47

Latest news !
Hawaii has already gone, and New Zealand is fading fast. Aussies are drinking "like there's no tomorrow" which is prophetic in itself !
(Or as the English would say "as if there were to be no tomorrow" !)

Since Spain is a hour ahead of the UK, I now bid everyone in the England a wonderful eternity, free from debt, free from worries, and free from apocalyptic nutters.
To those in more eastern parts of the world - sorry I missed you.
To those in the USA - I recommend you go out and buy some more guns. It usually works.

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Re: END OF THE WORLD ! 21 / 12 / 12

Post by aquila on 21.12.12 7:51

Brilliant post PeterMac,

As the sun has risen in UK today, I can hear the drone of the M6 and nextdoor's kids are having a hissy fit outside it can only mean the world as we know it is still alive so I'll have to let the workmen in at 8.30, clean up their mess when they've gone and remember to pay the gas bill. I didn't take the vacuum cleaner round yesterday just in case it was a waste of time.
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Re: END OF THE WORLD ! 21 / 12 / 12

Post by PeterMac on 21.12.12 7:57

"I woke up dis mo' nin' . . . "


Oh B******* !

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Re: END OF THE WORLD ! 21 / 12 / 12

Post by aquila on 21.12.12 8:19

Those Mayans are a bit unreliable. Do you think we should send them a disgruntled email?
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Re: END OF THE WORLD ! 21 / 12 / 12

Post by PeterMac on 21.12.12 8:20

Have these apocalypse nutters got jobs ?
I ask because we had a situation in the Force some time ago.
A lad in the Computer department, who one would have assumed accepted and understood at least some of the the laws of physics. Electricity generation, operation of diodes, silicon chips and so on . .
became a member of the Natural Law Party, and stood as a Parliamentary candidate. He lost his deposit !
For those who do not remember the NLP, it was nothing to do with Thomas Aquinas, Hobbes, or Locke.
It is to do with transcendental meditation, and yogic flying.
This crackpot actually believed, or purported to believe, that gravity did not apply to him.
(In fact what they do is get themselves into the full lotus position and bounce around on cushions - in private, and then come out and tell you they levitated !)
But the question was, could you allow someone with such a bizarre belief system to continue in such a sensitive area of the Police operation ?
The temptation was to laugh it off as just a silly aberration, and ignore it.
My worry was that this was a symptom of something else, and that he was capable of doing something really destructive "for the greater good of mankind", and should therefore at least be moved into an area he either could not foul up, or which would not matter much if he did - Admin, in one of its more irrelevant forms, for example.

We screen for racism and sexism, and refuse to employ people who demonstrate those traits. We screen for intelligence and try to select on that basis
Do we screen for being a nutter ? Or would that breach his alien rights ?

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Re: END OF THE WORLD ! 21 / 12 / 12

Post by Guest on 21.12.12 9:11

I feel a bit uneasy that being a freemason is no hindrance to joining the police force but that's another matter - also anyone who puts extreme religious beliefs before basic common sense.

Are there any vintage souls who remember an end of the world scare in around 1961? Somebody had predicted that the world would end on a certain day and retreated up Mont Blanc to save himself. The word got round my class at school and we were all so frightened. I remember our teacher reassuring us that it was nonsense and we did indeed live to see another day.
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Re: END OF THE WORLD ! 21 / 12 / 12

Post by Tony Bennett on 21.12.12 10:15

Jean wrote:Are there any vintage souls who remember an end of the world scare in around 1961? Somebody had predicted that the world would end on a certain day and retreated up Mont Blanc to save himself. The word got round my class at school and we were all so frightened. I remember our teacher reassuring us that it was nonsense and we did indeed live to see another day.
I recall the event vividly. I was 13 at the time. There was indeed huge discussion about it at my school at the time and in the press and on TV. In those days, I lived 5 minutes' walk from school and we all came home for lunch, including my father, who was also my Headteacher at the time. I ran home as fast as I could that lunch-time so that I could be at home with my parents and brother if the world ended.

I do believe the world will end soon, though. The second coming of Christ is prophesied 310 times in the Bible. It is prophesied that He will return to earth at Jerusalem and will arrive here in the same manner in which He left at the Ascension.

One prophecy in connection with His return that has always been ridiculed is a verse which says explicitly that when He returns, the whole world will be able to see the event (Revelation 1 v 7). However, in these days of TV, the internet and webcams, this no longer seems quite as ridiculous as it once seemed.

The Bible also explicitly states that no man can predict from the Bible the day the world will end "...in such an hour as ye think not, the Son of Man cometh" (Matthew 24 vv 42-44).

But certain signs are given that may precede the end of the world, such as Damascus being changed from a propserous city to 'a heap of rubble' - which is being discussed on another thread in the 'News' section.

Today the Independent logs how Damascenes are fleeing the city en masse:

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/middle-east/syrians-pack-up-to-flee-damascus-as-war-escalates-8428363.html

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Re: END OF THE WORLD ! 21 / 12 / 12

Post by PeterMac on 21.12.12 14:54

I suppose it all depends what people mean by "The end of the world"
End of the world - as we know it, Jim
End of our present scientifically advanced civilised existence (our bit anyway)
End of the human race - as we know it
End of all life on the planet
End of the planet by total destruction

The coming of Christianity was in one way the end of the world, as they knew it.
The destruction of the Temple must have seemed the same
The various sackings of Rome, and other great centres of empire do similar things. Where are the Maya now? Where the Inca ? Where the Aztec ? Who is the successor in title to the Pharaoh ? Who should be Emperor of Rome ?
Floods, famines, wars, volcanoes, earthquakes, tsunami, drought, fire, the Black Death and the Bubonic Plague, and a host of other things are culture-changing events, and to the people concerned are clearly the end of their world.
But not to everyone else. And not to everyone inside those events. Some will see it as an opportunity. (See Black Death and Plague. Look at the planting of vines on the slopes of volcanoes. A tsunami clears the ground for you to cultivate, and leaves vast piles of building material with no apparent owner, floods bring fertile silt, and all of these events allow thinkers to 'step outside the box' and do things in a new and better way. No landlords, for example !)

So to work backwards
Total destruction of the earth as a planet - about 4.5 billion years as the sun becomes a red giant, and the earth is melted
Total loss of all water and gas on Earth - about 1 billion years from now.
End of all life on earth - a bit before that.
End of the human race - a bit before that
End of humanity in its present civilised form - those parts we call civilised - probably fairly soon.
It is impossible for the human race to continue increasing in size at the present rate. Drinking water supplies are no longer sufficient, there is insufficient food, and no amount of "green' science and growing soya beans is going to stop widespread famine and disease, accompanied inevitably by war.

To put it bluntly , sending biscuits to starving children is not the answer. Bod Geldoff has proved that beyond a peradventure.
So to that extent we are likely to see the end of "our world" quite soon.

But previous generations have done this.
My grandmother saw the first flight, and the first moon landing. She saw the first motor cars, the first radio, the first TV, and the gradual replacement of the horse.
Her world "ended" several times, and changed into something else entirely different.

(Pity the nutters could not have been taken away by a UFO though !)

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Re: END OF THE WORLD ! 21 / 12 / 12

Post by tigger on 21.12.12 17:41

Come on Peter! The dinosaurs walked around for about 185 million years. Climate - if you can call it that went up and down. 70.000 years ago the Toba super volcano blew up and we made it through that, although just about 60.000 survived. I think we're good for a few million years yet, although we should reduce to about half the current number.


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Re: END OF THE WORLD ! 21 / 12 / 12

Post by PeterMac on 21.12.12 17:56

As a species, yes, we will go on for quite a long time.
We can live in the Arctic and in deserts. We can live below sea level and high up in mountains.
So continued existence is certainly probable.
The question then turns to the quality of the life our descendants will live.

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Re: END OF THE WORLD ! 21 / 12 / 12

Post by tigger on 21.12.12 18:19

@PeterMac wrote:As a species, yes, we will go on for quite a long time.
We can live in the Arctic and in deserts. We can live below sea level and high up in mountains.
So continued existence is certainly probable.
The question then turns to the quality of the life our descendants will live.

Bit of hardship will be good for them, gosh, it would get rid of the social workers, accountants, lawyers. Actually when the ice retreated, we followed it, it had our food on it! Ice age, which is very probably within the next 300 years would solve the problems. Including global warming....

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Re: END OF THE WORLD ! 21 / 12 / 12

Post by Guest on 21.12.12 19:36

@PeterMac wrote:As a species, yes, we will go on for quite a long time.
We can live in the Arctic and in deserts. We can live below sea level and high up in mountains.
So continued existence is certainly probable.
The question then turns to the quality of the life our descendants will live.

Does not it just...

I could not agree more

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Re: END OF THE WORLD ! 21 / 12 / 12

Post by Hobs on 21.12.12 19:57

Welcome to the End of the World.

Protective wear is free and available and can be collected from the top right corner
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Please choose from the following:

1 safety helmet ( try them on for size so you get one that fits correctly)
1 pair of elbow pads
1 pair of knee pads,
1 pair of steel-toed safety boots.
1 pair of safety gloves,
1 pair of safety glasses (we don't want anything getting in your eyes)
1 set breathing apparatus (again try on for size so you have a correct and snug fit)
1 pair of protective coveralls (in a wide variety of sizes and colors)
1 whistle for attracting rescuers, your dog or someone keeping score.
1 pair of super absorbent depends with the reinforced gusset and snazzy halsoft logo ( please ensure you select the correct gender thank you)
1 pair of sunglasses ( so you will look cool as a corpse if nothing else)
1 map showing a detailed guide to the human anatomy so you can locate your ass to kiss it good bye (this is optional for most of the public since they know where it is and a requirement for all politicians, lawyers, and estate agents who cannot differentiate between their ass and their elbow.

Please note also there is a wide choice in anatomical maps for the adults so you can at least go out with a smile on your face)

Also available as optional extras are world maps and a list of sites where you can place your bet on what gets apocalypsed first and also method of apocalypse.
BBQ tongs (extra long) for end of the world parties, after all, we don't want you to injure yourselves thus spoiling the occasion.
Snazzy apron with I survived/ I didn't survive the apocalypse or Apocalypse? What Apocalypse? depending on personal belief, faith or state of inebriation.
Earplugs to deaden the noise of screaming, explosions, drunken singing (thank you scotland, wales and ireland) and prayers in a wide variety of languages.
Translation book to translate the above screams, prayers and drunken singing (also available as an app)
Song sheets so you can join in.
A List of all known gods both past and current. You are welcome to choose as many as you wish in order to hedge your bets regarding eternity or reincarnation.

Please also note it is not currently possible to combine selected features from different religions ( no 72 virgins with christian
heaven although 72 virgins can be combined with hell, just make sure you arrive early as this will be a popular choice and will run out quickly, 72 non virgins will be available once the virgins have run out,

Male virgins will need to be ordered in specially)
Scorecard to rate method of apocalypse, artistic interpretation, technical merit and also on the back, scoring hints for types of panic, colorful use of language and manner of death (bonus points can be awarded for creative death, theatrical dying and ham acting whilst dying,( for jews and muslims please use another non- pork reference)
Pencils in a variety of colors
Crayons in a variety of colors for those who cannot be trusted not to injure themselves or each other with sharp pencils ( i am talking to you lot, politicians, lawyers and estate agents)

Please feel free to avail yourself of all, some or none of the above protective items and sundry extras and most of all have a safe and enjoyable end of the world as we know it.
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Re: END OF THE WORLD ! 21 / 12 / 12

Post by littlepixie on 22.12.12 0:29

I don't believe in the end of the world, only in the end of this system of things. I think the number of people who feel that they are no part of this world (system of things) and can't wait to see the back of it are growing. You only have to look at all those on twitter campaigning for this and that. I think the divide is growing between the sheep and the goats and its is becoming painfully obvious.

People want Justice and the only one who can give that is Jehovah/Yahweh/YHVH/ God.
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Re: END OF THE WORLD ! 21 / 12 / 12

Post by aquila on 22.12.12 0:38

@littlepixie wrote:I don't believe in the end of the world, only in the end of this system of things. I think the number of people who feel that they are no part of this world (system of things) and can't wait to see the back of it are growing. You only have to look at all those on twitter campaigning for this and that. I think the divide is growing between the sheep and the goats and its is becoming painfully obvious.

People want Justice and the only one who can give that is Jehovah/Yahweh/YHVH/ God.

I second that.
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Re: END OF THE WORLD ! 21 / 12 / 12

Post by tigger on 22.12.12 6:33

@Hobs wrote:Welcome to the End of the World.

Protective wear is free and available and can be collected from the top right corner
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>


Please choose from the following:

1 safety helmet ( try them on for size so you get one that fits correctly)
1 pair of elbow pads
1 pair of knee pads,
1 pair of steel-toed safety boots.
1 pair of safety gloves,
1 pair of safety glasses (we don't want anything getting in your eyes)
1 set breathing apparatus (again try on for size so you have a correct and snug fit)
1 pair of protective coveralls (in a wide variety of sizes and colors)
1 whistle for attracting rescuers, your dog or someone keeping score.
1 pair of super absorbent depends with the reinforced gusset and snazzy halsoft logo ( please ensure you select the correct gender thank you)
1 pair of sunglasses ( so you will look cool as a corpse if nothing else)
1 map showing a detailed guide to the human anatomy so you can locate your ass to kiss it good bye (this is optional for most of the public since they know where it is and a requirement for all politicians, lawyers, and estate agents who cannot differentiate between their ass and their elbow.

Please note also there is a wide choice in anatomical maps for the adults so you can at least go out with a smile on your face)

Also available as optional extras are world maps and a list of sites where you can place your bet on what gets apocalypsed first and also method of apocalypse.
BBQ tongs (extra long) for end of the world parties, after all, we don't want you to injure yourselves thus spoiling the occasion.
Snazzy apron with I survived/ I didn't survive the apocalypse or Apocalypse? What Apocalypse? depending on personal belief, faith or state of inebriation.
Earplugs to deaden the noise of screaming, explosions, drunken singing (thank you scotland, wales and ireland) and prayers in a wide variety of languages.
Translation book to translate the above screams, prayers and drunken singing (also available as an app)
Song sheets so you can join in.
A List of all known gods both past and current. You are welcome to choose as many as you wish in order to hedge your bets regarding eternity or reincarnation.

Please also note it is not currently possible to combine selected features from different religions ( no 72 virgins with christian
heaven although 72 virgins can be combined with hell, just make sure you arrive early as this will be a popular choice and will run out quickly, 72 non virgins will be available once the virgins have run out,

Male virgins will need to be ordered in specially)
Scorecard to rate method of apocalypse, artistic interpretation, technical merit and also on the back, scoring hints for types of panic, colorful use of language and manner of death (bonus points can be awarded for creative death, theatrical dying and ham acting whilst dying,( for jews and muslims please use another non- pork reference)
Pencils in a variety of colors
Crayons in a variety of colors for those who cannot be trusted not to injure themselves or each other with sharp pencils ( i am talking to you lot, politicians, lawyers and estate agents)

Please feel free to avail yourself of all, some or none of the above protective items and sundry extras and most of all have a safe and enjoyable end of the world as we know it.

I'm blushing as I write this but I've always like Andy Hamilton's (from Old Harry's Game on Radio4) remark that he didn't understand why 72 virgins would be so attractive.
Surely, he said, 72 beautiful experienced women would be a much better idea?

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Re: END OF THE WORLD ! 21 / 12 / 12

Post by PeterMac on 22.12.12 9:58

But suppose the world DID end yesterday, and what we are now is just a Dream in the mind of God ?
How would we know ?

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Re: END OF THE WORLD ! 21 / 12 / 12

Post by Hobs on 22.12.12 18:45

RE: The Apocalypse ordered for 12/21/12

Dear Earth.

We apologise for the fact your expected full Apocalypse failed to materialise, this was due to a backlog of orders.

Our delivery company
Wrath of the Gods! was unexpectedly overwhelmed with orders for the latest Furby, Wii U and a pesky dancing toy that looks suspiciously like 2 tennis balls on top of each other.

When they contracted to help Santa with his presents they miscalculated the amount of work required to manufacture, wrap, deliver to the northpole and deal with any returns.

As a result the end of the world has been cancelled for the forseeable future.

Refunds have been made to all relevant accounts with our apologies.

We will also give all future customers a 15% discount on any Apocalypse order over a population of 500 million.

When our delivery company is available to accept Apocalypse deliveries again, we will notify you via burning bushes/flaming letters writ large across the skies/mighty portents/possessing qualified prophets (delete as applicable) so you can make arrangements for delivery of said Apocalypse to you/a secure area such as neighboring moon or planet or your galaxy.

A signature may be required for some Apocalypses depending on level of calamity.

Thank you for you patience and we look forward to doing business with you again.

Have a nice day.
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Re: END OF THE WORLD ! 21 / 12 / 12

Post by Hobs on 22.12.12 18:46

RE: The Apocalypse ordered for 12/21/12

Dear Earth.

Thank you for your email in relation to your ordered Apocalypse, (The super duper, big bang obliterater)

I have checked our records and note your ordered Apocalyse was in fact delivered early.

I also see you checked the express delivery option which our delivery company Wrath of the Gods! excel at.

It appears that on the day of delivery you were out so our delivery company Wrath of the Gods! left it with a neighbor.
The neighbor it was left at was planet #5 of your solar system and was signed for by a Mr. Jove, delivered July 16 1994.

Due to the size of your order, we had to send it in several packages, all of which were delivered to planet #5.

Our records show all packages were signed for and also that local CCTV cameras also recorded delivery of your order.

I suggest contacting planet #5 and asking for your packages.

I am not sure what other advice i can offer you since we fulfilled your order and left it with a neighbor when there was no reply, a neighbor who signed for receipt of your packages.

Normally we get complaints when delivery of an Apocalypse is late, you are the first person to complain about an early delivery.

Wrath of the Gods! are pretty good when it comes to express delivery, so, next time you order an Apocalypse for a certain period perhaps it will suit you to not check the express delivery option.

We look forward to doing further business with you.

Have a nice day
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