@Cristobell wrote:I do get on my feminis soapbox now and again Gollum, but it is nice to know someone reads and appreciates it!
I think turning a blind eye to abuse is unforgiveable. A baby is totally dependent on its mother and/or primary carer - most mums thankfully, are instinctly protective towards their young. Sadly however, many young women grow up with zero self esteem, their confidence is dependent on the attention they get from the opposite sex. They can't be seen without make up, hair extensions and all the rest of the paraphernalia that they consider makes them whole. Its actually very sad that they look at themselves that way, but it is an abomination that Society encourages it.
Too many kids have no form of education in the home, I don't just mean in the form of books, but in the sense of socialisisation and interaction with adults. I have taught in a couple of inner city colleges, and worked with kids who even at the age of 16+ have a very limited vocabulary, and have no idea how to express themselves - this leads to frustration, aggression, etc, its a vicious cycle.
As 'Enry 'Iggins said, 'Why don't the English teach their children how to speak!'
But those mothers, and it is mostly mothers, who cover up abuse, are probably from dysfunctional homes themselves, abuse may not be abnormal to them. They may themselves be living in fear, they have almost certainly accepted their victimhood. They don't have the confidence or the courage to escape. Thats one side of it, the other I think is the rise in violence among young women. They can be just as evil as the men. Abuse is not just sexual, it can be physical violence, but just as hurful and damaging is constant berating, withdrawal of affection/attention and deliberate spite, something that many narcissistic mothers practice on a daily basis.
I have long been tubthumping that parenting lessons should be part of the National Curriculum. Due to the transitory nature of modern society, many young parents do not have their families close by, or at the other end of the scale they are too close by and bad parenting passes from generation to generation. Call mme old fashioned, I don't care, but it makes me weep to see mothers taking their 3 and 4 year old daughers for spray tans, make up etc. The bizarre image of Jonbenet Ramsey haunts me.
But I'm not a dungeree wearing hater of glamour, far from it. Getting dolled up is one of life's little pleasures, we all enjoy it, men as well as women. Its when your very happiness depends on it, that it becomes a problem and the huge rise in cosmetic surgery industry suggests that for many it is. I would even go so far as to say if you asked a class of 16 year old girls what their ambition is, the answer would probably be 'get bigger boobs and marry a footballer'.
The best gift you can give a child is confidence. a confident child is far less likely to be abused, they will speak up. The best way to give a child confidence is to listen to them, its that simple! Value their achievements and their views and enncourage them to speak. It amazes me that some mothers will pay hundreds of pounds for clothes and toys for their offspring, but they won't give them one hour of undivided attention.
Ps. admin, also happy if this needs to he moved elsewhere.
Fantastic post Cristobell. Thank you.
It annoys me that parenting is so undervalued. Its the most difficult (unpaid) post you can take on. I have three daughters, now all adult and I think I did a reasonable job. I combined work and parenting but my children came first to the detriment of my bank balance.
Some years ago when the Irish economy was booming our tax system was changed to try to encourage women into the paid workforce no matter how meaning less the paid job they did. It was deemed that for example selling plastic garden knomes was more important than being a full time parent and raising the next generation.
There was a negative reaction and the tax changes were amended somewhat, but still where two couples have the same income, the one with both parents in paid work pays less tax.
Like Cristobell, I hate the use of fake tan and makeup on very young children. It happens here particularly in ‘First Holy Communion’ season (May) when young children are overdressed, made up and the parents get into debt. An important religious occasion is turned into a commercial event. Children expect financial gifts and can get substantial sums.
My own children, as I am not catholic, did not get the First Communion gig. They mentioned that their friends did and got lots of financial gifts. I said that if they were Catholic I would let them give the money to the charity of their choice! Result: mad mother looks from my daughters!
Author of Fateful Decisions: there's a fine line between acceptable parenting and neglect. www.enidodowd.com
Author of A Review of the background to setting up the limited company Madeleine's Fund: leaving no Stone Unturned and a forensic examination of the company accounts. Available on www.mccannfiles.com
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