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Grief tourism

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Grief tourism

Post by Smokeandmirrors on 21.01.14 7:26

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2543059/What-sort-parent-takes-child-wallow-tragedy-As-toddlers-leave-teddies-memory-little-Mikaeel-personal-provocative-view.html

Came across this in the Mail. Why is it more people are leaping onto the misfortunes of strangers to play out their own need for some kind of attention? Are they seeking some sort of purpose and fulfilment? It is a pretty distasteful way to treat ones own children, and speaks of a pretty disturbing development in the human psyche…..

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Re: Grief tourism

Post by tigger on 21.01.14 7:42

Humans are tribal. Modern living and nanny states have done away with that. We want to belong to a group.
These are the only occasions that many feel part of a 'tribe'.

My theory only. I detest these second hand emotions but I do believe it's a symptom of the above.

Holidays to disaster areas are the next step.

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Re: Grief tourism

Post by Smokeandmirrors on 21.01.14 7:57

Yes Tigger, I think it is a sort of tribalism, or the wanting to belong to a tribe. 

Some years ago I remember an item in the news whereby somebody had died in a road accident. The nearest point to the accident was the gateway to someones home. Friends and relatives tied plastic wrapped flowers to this persons gate post and there was a to-do when the home owner removed said items from their property. The homeowner was abused and harassed and called spiteful, but all these hecklers had done was show a complete  and utter disrespect to the homeowner, not only for the trespass to them, but turning their home, their safe place, into some sort of mawkish spot. It's a bit like the people who turn cemeteries into a festival of tat and plastic garbage to the exclusion of anyone else's feelings on the matter.

It is a weird paradox, trying to show that one "cares" by NOT caring how it will affect others. It's inverted selfishness IMHO.

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Re: Grief tourism

Post by Guest on 21.01.14 9:47

I think it's preferable to the days when public executions were an occasion for all the family to go and witness!

I agree though that there is something rather unsettling about this sort of behaviour. It didn't start entirely with Diana as I can recall earlier incidents where there were seas of flowers and toys - particularly the death of James Bulger.

I don't want the pros to choke over their cornflakes - oh, but then again....and shriek that we are callous pitchforkers.

It's not that we have no sympathy for the victims but that vast displays of public grief are over the top.

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Re: Grief tourism

Post by whatliesbehindthesofa on 21.01.14 10:17

Many people go through life unthinking, simply doing what they believe they are expected to be doing.

My Facebook news feed is at any time full of shared pictures saying stuff like

'Mums/dogs/best-friends/bananas are great. If you love your Mum/dog/best-friend/banana share this and repost!"

or the ones that play on 'sympathy', such as

"If you've known someone who knows how tough it is to battle cancer, share this and repost!"

At no point do any of these friends question the motives of the person who originally created the image.  And they seem blissfully unaware that most people interpret their post as:

"Look at me guys, I need approval!  Mum, are you listening to me???????????"

I believe that it is this type of person who turns up at disaster sites.

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Re: Grief tourism

Post by PeterMac on 21.01.14 15:05

Interesting that they are allowing comments,
2 pages so far
EVERY one is against, making various reasonable points,

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Re: Grief tourism

Post by comperedna on 21.01.14 15:16

I'm with the general tenor of the above comments, BUT, it would be quite difficult to explain to a three year old nursery classmate why they would not be seeing their friend any more. Most children of that age do not have a secure idea of what dead means. (My son did not 'get it' about 'never coming back' till he saw a squashed hedgehog on the road.) The natural reaction of a good-hearted nursery child, and so many are, even at that age, would be to try and 'help', or give something to the little boy, especially if they had half heard somehing about it on TV. I don't think all of it is wallowing, some is possibly therapeutic... for those that knew Michaeel, that is.

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Re: Grief tourism

Post by Guest on 21.01.14 22:26

I do feel it is unnecessary for what must be strangers to leave soft toys and cellophane-wrapped flowers as some sort of condolence.
It has become almost normal now, but I don't think that makes it acceptable or in good taste.

The families of the deceased are suffering in privacy and coping with unmentionable trauma.

How can a pile of rotting bunches of flowers and sodden soft toys bring them any comfort?

Perhaps prayer and healing thoughts are no longer considered supportive, but that is what I send the family.

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