1 bag of clothing found at the airport (contents unspecified)
1 blanket (never used)
1 pair of Tanner’s spectacles (never used)
1 pair of luminous ‘Eyehore��?pyjamas (can be seen from 120m away)
1 camera (faulty timing device)
1 Bible (only 2 pages missing)
1 Diary (all pages either scribbled on, torn or missing)
1 bottle of perfume (‘The Scent of Death��?
2 ‘Cuddle Cats��?(1 old called ‘CC��? 1 new called ‘Mohammed��?
1 washing machine (worn out)
1 window shutter (unbroken)
1 fridge (two cold, frosty owners)
1 bag of dirty nappies (NOT leak proof ‘Pampers��?
1 bag of rotting meat (well, turkeys may be scarce this Christmas)
5000 red herrings (all overcooked)
1 phrase book (containing only 3 words ��?‘ludicrous��? ‘hurtful��?and ‘unhelpful��?
500 sets of matching his/her co-ordinated outfits (only sold as sets ��?no divorced items)
1 complete SAS outfit (can be exchanged for 1 ‘Action Man��?figure)
1 ton of Madeleine’s favourite cuddly toy (Auntie Phil)
100,000,000,000 wrist bands (can be exchanged for 2 pairs of handcuffs)
1 well used tennis racket (no good for ‘serving time��?
[NB 1 forensic manual ‘Leaving No Stone Unturned��?(sorry, item no longer available - stolen by someone in the FSS]
SO WHY NOT HURRY ALONG NOW TO THE ‘FSS CAR BOOT SOIL��?
(All items going cheap ��?except for Cuddle Cat which goes ‘meow��?