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Nigella - Police to interview alleged restaurant assault

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Re: Nigella - Police to interview alleged restaurant assault

Post by aquila on Tue Jun 18, 2013 8:47 am

@PeterMac wrote:
@aquila wrote:
@PeterMac wrote:
@Ollie1 wrote:Saatchi has accepted a caution for assault this evening...reported on Sky news tonight.
And on Sky this morning - that she has left the home.
If only every woman who was victim of abuse would do so !
Nigella has done the right thing but sadly not every woman (or man - they get abused too) has somewhere to go, especially when there are children involved.

I beg to differ. Family, friends, Neighbours, Police stations, Women's refuge hostels, Salvation Army, there is a long list of short term solutions, followed by a lot of Social Service help for longer term ones.

I understand what you are saying PeterMac but it's usually when it hits crisis stage that these options are sought. There's still a stigma related to physical abuse within a marriage/partnership along with many other issues that cause a victim not to speak out. It's not a simple, cut and dried subject. You probably attended many domestic disturbances when you were a police officer - my ex husband (a police officer) attended many too and we spent hours discussing this issue along with a friend who was a social worker.


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Re: Nigella - Police to interview alleged restaurant assault

Post by bobbin on Tue Jun 18, 2013 10:21 am

@aquila wrote:
@PeterMac wrote:
@aquila wrote:
@PeterMac wrote:
@Ollie1 wrote:Saatchi has accepted a caution for assault this evening...reported on Sky news tonight.
And on Sky this morning - that she has left the home.
If only every woman who was victim of abuse would do so !
Nigella has done the right thing but sadly not every woman (or man - they get abused too) has somewhere to go, especially when there are children involved.

I beg to differ. Family, friends, Neighbours, Police stations, Women's refuge hostels, Salvation Army, there is a long list of short term solutions, followed by a lot of Social Service help for longer term ones.

I understand what you are saying PeterMac but it's usually when it hits crisis stage that these options are sought. There's still a stigma related to physical abuse within a marriage/partnership along with many other issues that cause a victim not to speak out. It's not a simple, cut and dried subject. You probably attended many domestic disturbances when you were a police officer - my ex husband (a police officer) attended many too and we spent hours discussing this issue along with a friend who was a social worker.

Abused women are all too often denuded of any self-confidence. They are almost always kind hearted, trusting, believing, characters.
They are picked out by a person who has a 'manipulative' character.
They are systematically worked on by their manipulating partners and live in a state of mental conflict.
They know what their head is saying but the abuser's bullying makes them insecure about trusting their head.
They hope that if they 'manage' the situation, by trying to 'please' the partner, things will get better.
Most abused women (and abused men too) have such low self esteem that they do not think themselves capable of standing up to a bully, especially if the bully has made it clear that if the woman tries to talk to anyone about it, he'll hunt her out and bring her or her children great harm.
It is also a complete lottery game as to whether going to the police will get a sympathetic and effective ear, or a dismissal of being a nuisance, trouble maker or liar.
It takes either a truly serious event, or great internal courage, for a woman to face up to the fact that she must go and get help.
The insidious behaviour of the accomplished manipulator/ bully/ abusing thug, is that they develop a very fine understanding of how to fly, deliberately 'just under the radar'.
They push, beat, vilify and hurt until serious damage is done then they come round like a little child needing comfort and forgiveness for their moment of bad temper, always blaming it on someone or something else and never taking responsibility for the fact that they cannot, do not and will not, own up to their own desire to inflict their brutality and derive pleasure and satisfaction from having beaten hell into the little mouse cowering in the corner.
Yes, there are places for abused women to go, but too often the woman does not realise that in 'the public's eye' she is being manipulated, she might think it normal, that she somehow deserves it, that she has made a promise in her marriage vows to stay loyal whatever the conditions, that the children should continue to have a father, that she is dependent upon him for finance, etc. etc.
The 'manipulator' knows that the 'manipulated' will be dis-empowered by his deliberately confusing messages.
Not that easy at all to be the strong woman and leave. Such a strong woman would, from the outset, not have 'attracted' such a bully in the first place.
Society has the eyes to see, and although no one intervened in this case, they did by default, because the photos are in the news and the bully has had a caution.
Most abused people need a kind onlooker to see their problem and offer to give them a guiding hand but the brute is a risk to deal with at the same time, so not all onlookers will know or think it safe to intervene, either for themselves or via the perceived consequences for the abused woman and her children.

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Re: Nigella - Police to interview alleged restaurant assault

Post by PeterMac on Tue Jun 18, 2013 10:38 am

Yes to both the above posts aquila and bobbin.

Police officers just despair.  Until very recently it was not possible to go ahead without a formal complaint. Now it is, as we have just seen.
One wonders for how long this has been going on.

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Re: Nigella - Police to interview alleged restaurant assault

Post by jd on Tue Jun 18, 2013 11:05 am

@bobbin wrote:
Abused women are all too often denuded of any self-confidence. They are almost always kind hearted, trusting, believing, characters.
They are picked out by a person who has a 'manipulative' character.
They are systematically worked on by their manipulating partners and live in a state of mental conflict.
They know what their head is saying but the abuser's bullying makes them insecure about trusting their head.
They hope that if they 'manage' the situation, by trying to 'please' the partner, things will get better.
Most abused women (and abused men too) have such low self esteem that they do not think themselves capable of standing up to a bully, especially if the bully has made it clear that if the woman tries to talk to anyone about it, he'll hunt her out and bring her or her children great harm.
It is also a complete lottery game as to whether going to the police will get a sympathetic and effective ear, or a dismissal of being a nuisance, trouble maker or liar.
It takes either a truly serious event, or great internal courage, for a woman to face up to the fact that she must go and get help.
The insidious behaviour of the accomplished manipulator/ bully/ abusing thug, is that they develop a very fine understanding of how to fly, deliberately  'just under the radar'.
They push, beat, vilify and hurt until serious damage is done then they come round like a little child needing comfort and forgiveness for their moment of bad temper, always blaming it on someone or something else and never taking responsibility for the fact that they cannot, do not and will not, own up to their own desire to inflict their brutality and derive pleasure and satisfaction from having beaten hell into the little mouse cowering in the corner.
Yes, there are places for abused women to go, but too often the woman does not realise that in 'the public's eye' she is being manipulated, she might think it normal, that she somehow deserves it, that she has made a promise in her marriage vows to stay loyal whatever the conditions, that the children should continue to have a father, that she is dependent upon him for finance, etc. etc.
The 'manipulator' knows that the 'manipulated' will be dis-empowered by his deliberately confusing messages.
Not that easy at all to be the strong woman and leave. Such a strong woman would, from the outset, not have 'attracted' such a bully in the first place.
Society has the eyes to see, and although no one intervened in this case, they did by default, because the photos are in the news and the bully has had a caution.
Most abused people need a kind onlooker to see their problem and offer to give them a guiding hand but the brute is a risk to deal with at the same time, so not all onlookers will know or think it safe to intervene, either for themselves or via the perceived consequences for the abused woman and her children.

Excellent post Bobbin. I totally agree

I know a number of women who have been abused & raped...What I can never understand is most believe they deserved it in some way, and making excuses to this effect. Its very hard to get through they never deserve it whatsoever, and it is the bullying manipulative character they are with, abusing their good and loving nature to massage their insecurities & ego

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Re: Nigella - Police to interview alleged restaurant assault

Post by aquila on Tue Jun 18, 2013 11:17 am

@bobbin wrote:
@aquila wrote:
@PeterMac wrote:
@aquila wrote:
@PeterMac wrote:
@Ollie1 wrote:Saatchi has accepted a caution for assault this evening...reported on Sky news tonight.
And on Sky this morning - that she has left the home.
If only every woman who was victim of abuse would do so !
Nigella has done the right thing but sadly not every woman (or man - they get abused too) has somewhere to go, especially when there are children involved.

I beg to differ. Family, friends, Neighbours, Police stations, Women's refuge hostels, Salvation Army, there is a long list of short term solutions, followed by a lot of Social Service help for longer term ones.

I understand what you are saying PeterMac but it's usually when it hits crisis stage that these options are sought. There's still a stigma related to physical abuse within a marriage/partnership along with many other issues that cause a victim not to speak out. It's not a simple, cut and dried subject. You probably attended many domestic disturbances when you were a police officer - my ex husband (a police officer) attended many too and we spent hours discussing this issue along with a friend who was a social worker.

Abused women are all too often denuded of any self-confidence. They are almost always kind hearted, trusting, believing, characters.
They are picked out by a person who has a 'manipulative' character.
They are systematically worked on by their manipulating partners and live in a state of mental conflict.
They know what their head is saying but the abuser's bullying makes them insecure about trusting their head.
They hope that if they 'manage' the situation, by trying to 'please' the partner, things will get better.
Most abused women (and abused men too) have such low self esteem that they do not think themselves capable of standing up to a bully, especially if the bully has made it clear that if the woman tries to talk to anyone about it, he'll hunt her out and bring her or her children great harm.
It is also a complete lottery game as to whether going to the police will get a sympathetic and effective ear, or a dismissal of being a nuisance, trouble maker or liar.
It takes either a truly serious event, or great internal courage, for a woman to face up to the fact that she must go and get help.
The insidious behaviour of the accomplished manipulator/ bully/ abusing thug, is that they develop a very fine understanding of how to fly, deliberately  'just under the radar'.
They push, beat, vilify and hurt until serious damage is done then they come round like a little child needing comfort and forgiveness for their moment of bad temper, always blaming it on someone or something else and never taking responsibility for the fact that they cannot, do not and will not, own up to their own desire to inflict their brutality and derive pleasure and satisfaction from having beaten hell into the little mouse cowering in the corner.
Yes, there are places for abused women to go, but too often the woman does not realise that in 'the public's eye' she is being manipulated, she might think it normal, that she somehow deserves it, that she has made a promise in her marriage vows to stay loyal whatever the conditions, that the children should continue to have a father, that she is dependent upon him for finance, etc. etc.
The 'manipulator' knows that the 'manipulated' will be dis-empowered by his deliberately confusing messages.
Not that easy at all to be the strong woman and leave. Such a strong woman would, from the outset, not have 'attracted' such a bully in the first place.
Society has the eyes to see, and although no one intervened in this case, they did by default, because the photos are in the news and the bully has had a caution.
Most abused people need a kind onlooker to see their problem and offer to give them a guiding hand but the brute is a risk to deal with at the same time, so not all onlookers will know or think it safe to intervene, either for themselves or via the perceived consequences for the abused woman and her children.

That is a superb post bobbin.

I just want to add that before the physical abuse begins in a lot of cases there is the psychological abuse that can take a long time to manifest without physical violence. It's a living hell and so gradual that it goes undetected. Not even the victim understands it and to the outside world everything looks ok. The victim is often not allowed to have friends and their family are alienated. To everyone else the world looks rosy. Good partner, caring person, nice, friendly blah blah. It's not easy to convince friends and family you are being abused - especially when you don't believe it yourself or think you deserve it.

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Re: Nigella - Police to interview alleged restaurant assault

Post by aiyoyo on Tue Jun 18, 2013 11:21 am

@PeterMac wrote:
@aquila wrote:
@PeterMac wrote:
@Ollie1 wrote:Saatchi has accepted a caution for assault this evening...reported on Sky news tonight.
And on Sky this morning - that she has left the home.
If only every woman who was victim of abuse would do so !
Nigella has done the right thing but sadly not every woman (or man - they get abused too) has somewhere to go, especially when there are children involved.

I beg to differ. Family, friends, Neighbours, Police stations, Women's refuge hostels, Salvation Army, there is a long list of short term solutions, followed by a lot of Social Service help for longer term ones.


So true. But not all women are courageous especially if they've to depend on the man for financial support and if their children are young.

But this case in question, both are wealthy and probably financially independent of each other.
 Plus her children are grown up and probably already flew the nest.
She's not short of money, so no constraint to create an alternative accommodation and alternative life.
 Maybe she's an emotional needy person and can't break from old habits, rather put up with it, than change.  Some people are like that - they just dread change even though they have the means and support to do so.

It's not healthy to expose children to that kind of environment as children learn by examples.  
Dysfunctional family breeds dysfunctional individuals and in the long term the psychological damage to the children can't be undone, and the children will carry the scar of what they witnessed throughout their life that can impact their life in a negative way.

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Re: Nigella - Police to interview alleged restaurant assault

Post by aquila on Tue Jun 18, 2013 11:28 am

@aiyoyo wrote:
@PeterMac wrote:
@aquila wrote:
@PeterMac wrote:
@Ollie1 wrote:Saatchi has accepted a caution for assault this evening...reported on Sky news tonight.
And on Sky this morning - that she has left the home.
If only every woman who was victim of abuse would do so !
Nigella has done the right thing but sadly not every woman (or man - they get abused too) has somewhere to go, especially when there are children involved.

I beg to differ. Family, friends, Neighbours, Police stations, Women's refuge hostels, Salvation Army, there is a long list of short term solutions, followed by a lot of Social Service help for longer term ones.


So true. But not all women are courageous especially if they've to depend on the man for financial support and if their children are young.

But this case in question, both are wealthy and probably financially independent of each other.
 Plus her children are grown up and probably already flew the nest.
She's not short of money, so no constraint to create an alternative accommodation and alternative life.
 Maybe she's an emotional needy person and can't break from old habits, rather put up with it, than change.  Some people are like that - they just dread change even though they have the means and support to do so.

It's not healthy to expose children to that kind of environment as children learn by examples.  
Dysfunctional family breeds dysfunctional individuals and in the long term the psychological damage to the children can't be undone, and the children will carry the scar of what they witnessed throughout their life that can impact their life in a negative way.

I hope you never find yourself in an abusive situation Aiyoyo. It's not that simple.

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Re: Nigella - Police to interview alleged restaurant assault

Post by Guest on Tue Jun 18, 2013 11:30 am

Aiyoyo, the children are teenagers (19 and 17 this year) so are unlikely to be independent of the Bank of Mum yet.
 
http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nigella_Lawson
 
The entry has been rapidly updated to include that she is now separated from her husband.

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Re: Nigella - Police to interview alleged restaurant assault

Post by Ollie1 on Tue Jun 18, 2013 11:32 am

It was reported on Sky news last night that Saatchi said he had sent Nigella away until things settled down. If true he is clearly very controlling (that's not good). If Nigella left of her own accord Saatchi is fooling himself that he is still controlling Nigella and thinks this behaviour is normal.

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Re: Nigella - Police to interview alleged restaurant assault

Post by Guest on Tue Jun 18, 2013 11:35 am

The words "he had sent her away" speak volumes.

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Re: Nigella - Police to interview alleged restaurant assault

Post by jd on Tue Jun 18, 2013 11:48 am

No Fate Worse Than De'Ath wrote:The words "he had sent her away" speak volumes.

Totally

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Re: Nigella - Police to interview alleged restaurant assault

Post by plebgate on Tue Jun 18, 2013 11:49 am

Good post Bobbin, I think you have hit the nail on the head with that.

Old saying - Street Angel, House Devil didn't come about for no reason.

Rhiana the pop star was battered by her partner and the photos of her were horrendous.   For all her money, fame and "strong" character, she took him back, only for him to humiliate her again by dating another girl reportedly.  Who knows why they go back to these men?

I have a feeling Nigella might get back with him but even if she does, I believe that they will separate at some point in the future.  The damage has been done (in more ways than one) and some times it is hard for a woman to split a family, even when they know deep down that it would be the best thing to do.

Nigella has said that her mother was abusive to her so maybe she does have low self esteem despite the money and glam. life style.  She also nursed her dying  husband through cancer and then straight into living with her present husband.

Whatever she decides to do I hope that she never has to go through something like this again, either outside or indoors and that the wider family provide help and support for her and the children.

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Re: Nigella - Police to interview alleged restaurant assault

Post by plebgate on Tue Jun 18, 2013 11:52 am

@jd wrote:
No Fate Worse Than De'Ath wrote:The words "he had sent her away" speak volumes.

Totally




Yes NFWTD I think you are right there.

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Re: Nigella - Police to interview alleged restaurant assault

Post by jozi on Tue Jun 18, 2013 12:59 pm

No Fate Worse Than De'Ath wrote:The words "he had sent her away" speak volumes.



Who does this guy think he is ?

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Re: Nigella - Police to interview alleged restaurant assault

Post by aiyoyo on Tue Jun 18, 2013 2:22 pm

No Fate Worse Than De'Ath wrote:Aiyoyo, the children are teenagers (19 and 17 this year) so are unlikely to be independent of the Bank of Mum yet.
 

Yes, but she is rich in her own rights.

http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nigella_Lawson
 
The entry has been rapidly updated to include that she is now separated from her husband.


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Re: Nigella - Police to interview alleged restaurant assault

Post by aiyoyo on Tue Jun 18, 2013 2:40 pm

@aquila wrote:
@aiyoyo wrote:
@PeterMac wrote:
@aquila wrote:
@PeterMac wrote:
@Ollie1 wrote:Saatchi has accepted a caution for assault this evening...reported on Sky news tonight.
And on Sky this morning - that she has left the home.
If only every woman who was victim of abuse would do so !
Nigella has done the right thing but sadly not every woman (or man - they get abused too) has somewhere to go, especially when there are children involved.

I beg to differ. Family, friends, Neighbours, Police stations, Women's refuge hostels, Salvation Army, there is a long list of short term solutions, followed by a lot of Social Service help for longer term ones.


So true. But not all women are courageous especially if they've to depend on the man for financial support and if their children are young.

But this case in question, both are wealthy and probably financially independent of each other.
 Plus her children are grown up and probably already flew the nest.
She's not short of money, so no constraint to create an alternative accommodation and alternative life.
 Maybe she's an emotional needy person and can't break from old habits, rather put up with it, than change.  Some people are like that - they just dread change even though they have the means and support to do so.

It's not healthy to expose children to that kind of environment as children learn by examples.  
Dysfunctional family breeds dysfunctional individuals and in the long term the psychological damage to the children can't be undone, and the children will carry the scar of what they witnessed throughout their life that can impact their life in a negative way.

I hope you never find yourself in an abusive situation Aiyoyo. It's not that simple.

Who said it's simple.  Of course it isn't, it's invariably often messy complicated and painful.
But what about her children?  They don't deserve that kind environment.
Most abused women put up and shut up because they either don't have choice or very little choice b/c they're financially constraints and they don't have support, don't want to spilt the children from their dad etc etc etc etc...

Obviously she must have her reasons or difficulties for not doing so.

I understand where you are coming from.  But I'm also took into account that in this case the components are not the norm and somewhat different from the average joe.  Who am I to say anyway, except that I feel the children shouldn't have to be put through that, if it is a matter of conscious choice to get out of that situation.





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Re: Nigella - Police to interview alleged restaurant assault

Post by jd on Thu Jun 20, 2013 4:45 pm

Nigella Lawson: Clegg Fails To Condemn Assault
The Deputy Prime Minister is under fire for suggesting Charles Saatchi's assault on his wife could have been "fleeting"

Mr Clegg's remarks come after a report criticised Mr Clegg for failing to order a formal inquiry into sexual harassment allegations against the Lib Dem’s former chief executive Lord Rennard

http://news.sky.com/story/1106123/nigella-lawson-clegg-fails-to-condemn-assault

Clegg clearly does not like women

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Re: Nigella - Police to interview alleged restaurant assault

Post by plebgate on Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:30 pm

I wish Clegg would just go away.   Should never be in Government and who cares what he thinks about any thing.  As DPM he should not be commenting on the matter imo.

Turncoat Clegg, he's sorry, so so sorry.    Let's hope he's voted out next election then he will be sorry.   yay.

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Re: Nigella - Police to interview alleged restaurant assault

Post by aiyoyo on Fri Jul 12, 2013 10:41 am

Nigella Lawson hired Prince Charles' divorce lawyer, the legendary Fiona Shackleton.  

Be interesting to see who Charles Saatchi will hire ?

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Re: Nigella - Police to interview alleged restaurant assault

Post by plebgate on Fri Jul 12, 2013 10:59 am

Yes will be very interesting. Hope Nigella gets half of his fortune.

It was reported that the row escalated because Saatchi wanted Nigella's son to leave the family home. Apparently Nigella was having none of it. Way to go Nigella. thumbup 

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