I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know.
I have a talk coming up and, as I don’t have an iPad, Nic borrowed David’s while he was in Yorkshire with me for my birthday to install a free app so that I will be able to hold it and scroll through virtual pages rather than holding tatty bits of paper.
When I left London after staying in his flat for Fashion Week, I asked if I could borrow it for my talk.
‘No, Sweetie, I use it for work,’ he said.
'Does Brad Pitt spend his time reading forums about Angelina? Of course not!'
I got back to the Dales on Thursday night.
I’d done an interview and shoot with a celebrity in East London that morning, then drove the six hours home.
The moment I unfolded my tired old corpse from the driving seat, there was a crisis.
I can’t tell you what that crisis was…yet. But you know I will when I can.
Trust me, it is HUGE! Nic was waiting for me.
She has been up every night with Lizzie for two weeks now since her colic surgery.
I told her I don’t have an iPad for my speech.
‘I can’t tell you how angry that makes me,’ she said. ‘I borrowed his iPad as you know to install the programme, and open on it was a forum discussing you. He was on page 52.’
‘Who has time to do that?!’ I wailed.
‘I’ve asked him not to endlessly read rubbish about me on the internet. Does Brad Pitt spend all his time reading forums about Angelina Jolie? Of course not!’
I’d tried to make light of this with a joke, but knowing David is reading about me on the internet really upset me.
I felt sick. Violated.
Why does he take notice of all the online chat?
It poisons his mind. It serves no purpose, as when he did come across a posting on Mumsnet about me that was libellous, and ruined my life, he didn’t tell me until two months after the event.
I am not allowed to name the woman who said she saw me taking cocaine, which had huge reverberations for me personally, and which no one did anything about.
I have no choice in the matter if people want to lie about me and libel me online, new Independent Press Standards Organisation rules or not.
I know you are probably thinking, well, poor David just can’t win. If he doesn’t read her stuff, she flies into a rage.
But there is a difference between not knowing I write for the newspaper as well as this magazine, and have pressing and unmissable deadlines (after seven years, my husband never got the hang of the fact I would disappear to New York every September and February), and endlessly reading what an anonymous person who has never met me posts while drunk.
Anyhow, due to the CRISIS, I couldn’t sleep, so I sat at my desk and opened the post that had piled up while I had been away.
There was a letter (in a white envelope, so I opened it: they have learned to trick me!) from HMRC, saying even though I paid my tax before the bankruptcy hearing, they had still lodged the debt with the Land Registry, so it will be hard for me to ever get credit or sell my house unless I get the notice on my property removed, which I can do for a small fee.
I rang the Land Registry. ‘You need the dismissal notice from the court.’
‘They haven’t sent that to me. I don’t know the name of the court or the reference number.’
They told me I just need to post that to them, and a cheque for a pound.
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-2796905/liz-jones-s-diary-discover-david-reading-rubbish-internet.html#ixzz3Gt7ahk7y
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So what's different for Brenda? I'm genuinely interested.
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Cristina Fernández de Kirchner, if you're reading this and you want the Falkland Islands back, forget risking another war. Just find out what is motivating this entire country to bend to the whim of a couple of negligent parents and breathe it down the hotline to Dave at No 10, and the next day we'll all be calling the Falklands 'Los Malvinos'.
In my opinion.
"Looking for Madeleine"? - Lying for the McCanns! (In my opinion)
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